Everly

Today is legendary. Leonardo DiCaprio got an OSCAR! Finally! I can die peacefully now. I am feeling good after so long. Today I felt like I fitted in. I laughed out loud with my friends. My crush(LOL can't believe I am saying this) talked to me today, he was like avoiding me all week because well I made things awkward by ignoring him in the first place. I just want things to be normal between us, I hope by now he realized, I am not a dating material and I see him only as a friend. By the way, I got 80% mark on my mid, bus101. I thought I would get an F on this subject. Finally, things are going at a normal pace. I am feeling happy after so long, I know this feeling won't stay long. Soon problems will start taking over my life and piss me off. But let's just focus on what is now.

When I get mad at someone, I become ever so heartless. And nothing I can do about it. Mostly, I hurt people whom I love. People who hold special place in my heart. I hurt them, their feelings and get hurt myself. Why. Why do I keep doing this. I am a bad person.

I am usually a stay-home girl and liked being home in the weekends. But I don't know what happened to me these days, I hate being home. These days I like being out, I like being around people, strangers, cars. I just like being outside. Away from my parents, away from home. Is that because I have grown? I am turning 20 this April, will no longer be called a teenager. That is bad news. I loved being a teen. Being a teen means you get to disagree and argue with your parents rather than negotiating with them. I hate getting old each year. Why can I stop where I am right now. Anyway I am just concerned. I should go out for movies with my friends. Then my weekend could be fun and refreshing. I don't think anyone my age, spends their weekend at home, they either date or go shopping or at least do something productive. I am on my period. Doing nothing serves me with enough time to feel and think. You know what happens this time of the month? Girls feel too much. I seriously need ...

Is it okay to compromise for a person I care least about? I feel like I pretend a lot. There is this type of pretending I do. I bottle up my raw feelings and show only few. I think that as profession of sort. Because when you're not shouting out what you're feeling inside and nodding in silent, that is like faking it. I don't like being the quiet person. I hate being it. I hate when people say I don't talk enough. My mind is too noisy. I don't respond fast. I don't react much. I thought I knew myself. I thought myself as an energetic person, who would say something out the blue and would happen to be hilarious. I never thought myself as a calm person. I thought I was clumsy. I thought I was scattered, thoughtless, funny. I thought I was less silent. Indeed, I am not what I think I am.