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new chapter

 Hi B, 

I have been going through a lot of phases. 

Living alone is certainly a challenge. I am discovering parts of me that I did not imagine has existed to me before. I found myself choosing new outfits and new colours. I am going to donate a bunch of my old clothes that I held into for a long time without reason. I feel really disgusted by the old self. It is like, I am shedding my skin and embracing the self that was hiding under it. 

I gave the new friendship another chance and I feel better. We hung out last night and had good conversations. I am grateful that I found someone in this lonely city to talk about life with. Still it is very new so I don't want to put too much expectations. Adulting is hard itself and it won't be always possible to make time and effort for each other. I have accepted that and trying to be more understanding through the process. 

My husband and I don't get to talk much as he is working really hard and busy with the new work situation. Part of me wants to have a heart-to-heart conversation but he is always so exhausted that I feel bad to even ask to stay on the line. We have been married for 2 years now and I feel some of the sparks had died down. I hope after 6 months, we really appreciate each other and become stronger. 

Also, I realized the more invested you get in a relationship the more it will hurt you. It is better to focus on other things and not let the mind spiral over the little things. Being apart made me realize that everyone is alone in this world. Nobody is here for long. So we should make each day count and love each other to the best of our abilities. 

My average day now kind of looks like cleaning our apartment, taking care of plants, organizing stuffs, and going to work part time. I also sometimes go for walk, do groceries, go to the mall, and listen to music. I feel better honestly. I thought it would be too scary and hard living all by myself. It is not that bad. I am trying to enjoy my own company. 

I can't believe I am 29. Life is moving so fast. When I started this blog, I was so innocent. My life was very confined. Now I get overwhelmed sometimes with adulting and making decisions. 

Anyways, that's just my ranting. I hope you have a good one!


R

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