Skip to main content

 The whole country is in shut down again.


I do not know how many years this virus will torment us like this. All I know is, it will not leave us any time soon. 


The only good thing among the bad things this year is that, I got the job. My first legit job. I worked hard for it. My challenges do not end here. There is so much to learn and grow. I am just happy I landed where I wanted to be. 


I am so distant though, kind of disconnected from people. Friends. 

I feel alone but okay with it. 

I know if I die now, I won't be remembered as much. My family will mourn but the people I encountered with in life will not have much affect in their lives me being gone. This is the most harsh truth of life. This does not pain me. It is only practical because I have not made a change/impact. My energy has not been so forceful or fierce. My soul energy is timid and careful. When you are a person like that, you are easily forgotten.


I am okay with that sort of identity. Ultimately, nothing matters when you are not alive anymore.


I am not feeling dark/depressed. I am slowly accepting the world as it is. The things we do, we do it for the stories. For the sense of short-lived happiness.


It has been raining stupidly this past couple of months. The sky is almost always cloudy. I hate it so much. I think the reason I sound depressing is due to the foul weather. I am not on the verge of a break down. I am stable. In fact I am about to dance to a song in my room. 


I am a grateful bitch.  



 










Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more

world war?

 Dear B,  I don't watch the news but there has been a lot of speculations on social media of a possible world war III. My sister just texted me that I should save up money as we don't know what that might do to the economy. It is ironic because I just ordered something online last night. Every time I go out, I spend. I don't even have a good paying job and I spend like I have full time. However, one thing I learned from my past is that there is no point in stressing about the future. What I have control over is now. I can either live in the moment or ruin it by ruminating and what good will it bring to my life? Living alone can get boring. However, I am trying to find things to do. Maybe I will visit a bookstore today. Lets see.  I have rearranged the furnitures yesterday. Cleaned as well. The place looks good.  Maybe I will go IKEA. I love it there. Even though I can't afford furnitures, I just enjoy looking at them. Oh what to tell you B. My in-laws are coming this...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more