spring is almost here

 The whole country is in shut down again.

I do not know how many years this virus will torment us like this. All I know is, it will not leave us any time soon. 

The only good thing among the bad things this year is that, I got the job. My first legit job. I worked hard for it. My challenges do not end here. There is so much to learn and grow. I am just happy I landed where I wanted to be. 

I am so distant though, kind of disconnected from people. Friends. 

I feel alone but okay with it. 

I know if I die now, I won't be remembered as much. My family will mourn but the people I encountered with in life will not have much affect in their lives me being gone. This is the most harsh truth of life. This does not pain me. It is only practical because I have not made a change/impact. My energy has not been so forceful or fierce. My soul energy is timid and careful. When you are a person like that, you are easily forgotten.

I am okay with that sort of identity. Ultimately, nothing matters when you are not alive anymore.

I am not feeling dark/depressed. I am slowly accepting the world as it is. The things we do, we do it for the stories. For the sense of short-lived happiness.

It has been raining stupidly this past couple of months. The sky is almost always cloudy. I hate it so much. I think the reason I sound depressing is due to the foul weather. I am not on the verge of a break down. I am stable. In fact I am about to dance to a song in my room. 

I am a grateful bitch.