Everly

"I want what she has": I sometimes wonder, since when I started to take that as my mission statement. Success stories and love stories are my secret enemies, they snatch away even the littlest bit of happiness I have left in me. I want to be happy for her, but I know some part of me is insecure and jealous and full of ugly feelings. Everybody has different journeys and self growth. But when she makes it look so easy, I wonder why can't I? Why can't I be focused and successful woman? Why can't I get the man of my dreams? Why can't I be everyone's favorite? I know how childish I sound. I know how stupid it is to want something that sort. My post depression is purely based on "Look at all the other women. They're so put together. Why am I such a mess." I always thought there was a lacking in me that cannot be fixed. I always thought if I was being loved the right way the right time, I would turn out to be a complete person. A person with...

“why is it  that when the story ends  we begin to feel all of it” ―  Rupi Kaur ,  The Sun and Her Flowers

I am like bouncing in a trampoline of emotions. Sometimes high sometimes low. He is good on paper. But I am not sure how much in reality we could be compatible. I hope he is not full of himself. I hope what he says, are truth not lies to feed me and make me addicted toward him. The ideal situation now for me is to have control in myself, not get carried away, not push myself hard on this, whatever attachment I have with him....Because he is some pixels on the phone screen right now. I have thought it through. And you know what I like most about a guy, what attracts me most? The effort he makes....This guy in my phone, I feel like he has it easy. He knows I have never been on relationships or any kind of things and he thinks you know what ? I can easily get this girl impressed. But little does he know, I over analyze every behavior, every little words and I am looking out. I have to protect myself from getting hurt at the end of this though heartbreaks are unavoidable. I deserv...

It feels unbelievably liberating that you can be a complete new person to a person you haven't met yet. I know there's still things that make you, you. But still all the personality traits that you were given i.e. SHY, can't make eye contact, INTROVERT. can actually be just myths.If you are able to believe you are charming as hell in the occasions you can flourish yourself... I know this sounds almost crazy. And weird. And difficult to understand. But I kind of like this guy. We just chat. That's all we do. But I feel butterflies again. Almost feels like a dream. Words always meant something to me. And this guy has a way around words. We haven't heard each other's voice yet but I kind of already like the idea of him...He made me dream again...He made me feel things I missed feeling. And though there's no future in this right now. I just don't want to think about future right now. I don't want to think about the husband my mom is gonna pick in abou...

Road safety is a basic amenity. As a citizen of Bangladesh, and as a human, demanding such safety should not be an issue to be handled with brutality and blood shred. I have grown up here in Dhaka and by far I can remember, all the protests led by people of this country were handled with violation of human rights. The polices always interfered into these matters with rubber bullets or even actual ones. Maybe they think this is the right way to calm the chaos but it only adds up to the situation. External parties want to suppress or delay the justice by taking lives of the protesters. There are horrifying images of students being slaughtered/injured in the most sensitive body parts you can imagine that getting viral and all this because they wanted their basic amenity met by the leader that this country people elected/ by unfair means got elected. How does this sound fair? How does this even make any sense? How do the leaders stand and play wicked games just to sustain their power of p...

SO I found this guy don't ask me how, it is embarrassing, and we have been chatting on whatsapp for weeks and we had like 3 am conversations, confessions and flirting and I have a feeling I am leading him on a bit. It was spontaneous when it happened. I started planning in my head where we would meet and stuff though we haven't even discussed about dating or we haven't even talked on phone. I know that it is completely out of impulse whatever I said and whatever he said but I have been single my whole life and I feel like I owe it to myself to pursue it. I know I am making this decision out of context. And this guy has been through a rough patch and if I take this chance on him it is gonna affect him more it is gonna affect me. But what am I supposed to do. I like him a bit. He is attractive. It has been high time I felt like that. I don't wanna miss this feeling again. I don't know what to do. I am a bit confused.