The Breaking - Rupi Kaur (Milk and Honey)

what i miss most is how you loved me. but what i didn’t know was how you loved me had so
much to do with the person i was. it was a reflection of everything i gave to you. coming back to
me. how did i not see that. how. did i sit here soaking in the idea that no one else would love me
that way. when it was i that taught you. when it was i that showed you how to fill. the way i
needed to be filled. how cruel i was to myself. giving you credit for my warmth simply because
you had felt it. thinking it was you who gave me strength. wit. beauty. simply because you
recognized it. as if i was already not these things before i met you. as if i did not remain all these
once you left.
you leave
but you don’t stay gone
why do you do that
why do you
abandon the thing you want to keep
why do you linger
in a place you do not want to stay
why do you think it’s okay to do both
go and return all at once

Comments

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B, I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...

world war?

Dear B, I don't watch the news but there has been a lot of speculations on social media of a possible world war III. My sister just texted me that I should save up money as we don't know what that might do to the economy. It is ironic because I just ordered something online last night. Every time I go out, I spend. I don't even have a good paying job and I spend like I have full time. However, one thing I learned from my past is that there is no point in stressing about the future. What I have control over is now. I can either live in the moment or ruin it by ruminating and what good will it bring to my life? Living alone can get boring. However, I am trying to find things to do. Maybe I will visit a bookstore today. Lets see. I have rearranged the furnitures yesterday. Cleaned as well. The place looks good. Maybe I will go IKEA. I love it there. Even though I can't afford furnitures, I just enjoy looking at them. Oh what to tell you B. My in-laws are coming this...

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...

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