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So Moon apu's Akhd is done. She is a married woman now. I don't wanna be next on the line, but my mother talks about marriage to me almost everyday lately, it is so annoying and terrifying.
I am on 21. I have so much left to do and become. Right now, the least thing I would want is a boyfriend maybe but not a husband! And my mind can't process the behavior complexities of in-laws. It drives me nuts to even see my cousin, getting into that sort of thing...It's like jail for women.

My mother can't seem to agree on letting me go after I graduate. My graduation is her deadline to marry me off. I swear, everyday, she will bring up wedding discussions, every fucking day! Do you have any idea how annoying that is? I want time off. I want to go abroad as soon as I can to get rid of her. Here's my plan, in two years I am graduating hopefully, I maybe would take a french course side by side, I'd take IELTS with Turtle Dove and Batman and we'd apply for colleges in Canada. If we don't get scholarships, we'd apply for student loans. I just don't wanna live here rest of my life, my mother seeking grooms for me. And my sis is leaving next year with her family and maybe I'd stay there few months and share the rent...I don't know what awaits me but it's just a plan...

Seeing my cousin sister getting married to a guy she met for like 2 days was an eye opener for me. My whole family is into the concept of arranged marriage. But like seriously, she is going to spend rest of her life with this stranger and how can not this be terrifying? And I could see the tension going on between the newly weds, the awkwardness of forced encounter and the guests treating them like they are their puppets. I don't know about her, but I don't want that for me. I want to feel home with the person I'd be marrying. It's a western concept, but it is what I feel should be right and fair...I don't want my opinion to get lost in the chaos of bunch of murobbis deciding things for me. I want to authorize my own decisions about getting married and making babies when I want to.

It's a huge list it goes on. I mean how hard is it to just let me be? Why can't my parents just let me be?





















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