I am ignoring him bluntly on his face. I don't know if he figured it out yet or actually "cares" that I am not around him much. I know it's rude and childish but I think it's working. I am rather numb about him now. I don't feel like I need his attention anymore, nor do I feel like I should give him some. It may cost whatever friendship we had all the year round but there is no other way to get over him fast. Now there's nothing holding me back, no awkward encounters, no conversation to playback or smile to. I think this is the way. THE WAY to self empowerment.
Today I kind of felt irritated at Turtle Dove. It is none of her problem. It's mine. I find her too loud sometimes. It's annoying how she talks and talks and talks. And no matter how I tell myself I am okay with her and Batman's cuddling in public, I am not. I feel awkward seeing him sniff her hair sometimes or lean on her neck and all the couply things they do yet T says to me she doesn't feel anything for him other than the fact that they are best friends. I wish I wasn't so judgmental of them for being close. My instincts say B still loves her and she is not realizing it, just intentionally being so close with him....You know what. It is their life their choices not mine to worry.
But seriously T is becoming annoying to me. Is that a good thing? I mean sure, I consider her my good friend, one of the closest I have, but sometimes I want my space from her. And she bitches a lot, like a LOT. That day, she told me how B doesn't stop talking. And how annoying that it is for her in the class. I never thought she would ever find anything on Batman. I wonder what she says about me behind my back. Maybe that I am obsessed over singer guy, and how desperate that is. But the truth is I may talk about singer guy a lot but I am getting over him. And I realized I should not speak much about him with her because she makes this face whenever I talk about him and it is not welcoming....You know, friendship is complicated.
I hope I get to like her again because I am stuck with her til graduation and she is a nice person inside that I know. I don't wanna lose her it is just my mind playing tricks on me, making me notice things that I used to overlook before....Or maybe it is the hormones. I am closer to my date so a lot of things are annoying me these days. UGHHHHH.
Today I kind of felt irritated at Turtle Dove. It is none of her problem. It's mine. I find her too loud sometimes. It's annoying how she talks and talks and talks. And no matter how I tell myself I am okay with her and Batman's cuddling in public, I am not. I feel awkward seeing him sniff her hair sometimes or lean on her neck and all the couply things they do yet T says to me she doesn't feel anything for him other than the fact that they are best friends. I wish I wasn't so judgmental of them for being close. My instincts say B still loves her and she is not realizing it, just intentionally being so close with him....You know what. It is their life their choices not mine to worry.
But seriously T is becoming annoying to me. Is that a good thing? I mean sure, I consider her my good friend, one of the closest I have, but sometimes I want my space from her. And she bitches a lot, like a LOT. That day, she told me how B doesn't stop talking. And how annoying that it is for her in the class. I never thought she would ever find anything on Batman. I wonder what she says about me behind my back. Maybe that I am obsessed over singer guy, and how desperate that is. But the truth is I may talk about singer guy a lot but I am getting over him. And I realized I should not speak much about him with her because she makes this face whenever I talk about him and it is not welcoming....You know, friendship is complicated.
I hope I get to like her again because I am stuck with her til graduation and she is a nice person inside that I know. I don't wanna lose her it is just my mind playing tricks on me, making me notice things that I used to overlook before....Or maybe it is the hormones. I am closer to my date so a lot of things are annoying me these days. UGHHHHH.
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