So on the month of may, we are probably gonna move houses. It is so sudden I know.
Our family have been living here since my mother got married to my father, since my sister was born, learned to walk and then talk and then me and my brother were born. We've been a joint family for all these years. I've never been alone in the family side. My cousins were there to play with. Then us, siblings, we grew up, after 20 something years, we grew apart. For a family feud that took place between my father and uncle over a piece of flat. And then, my brother took it so seriously, he got badly affected, he heard voices in his head, thought there were spy cameras, invading him, fixed by my uncle and then we came to realize, he isn't mentally well. He got diagnosed with schizophrenia. I don't know if that resulted from family issues but it surely did harm the mental harmony of my brother's health and nothing can be compromised now. We need a change. He needs a change. I need a change from all this.
The corners of my room, the varanda, every part of this house holds significance to my childhood my teen-hood. 20 years in a same place, same location, same apartment. I mean it is a big deal of us moving. But I crave some change. I cannot see anymore of this family conflict. I can't bear the fact that I am not allowed to go to my own uncle's house and meet my cousins. I can't bear the fact that my auntie didn't wish me on my birthday just because we are on a family feud. It is better to lay off- live in a distance so I don't have to sit and watch all these crap they put up for us and disrespects my parents. I am so done with their shit.
So yeah I cannot wait to go to our own new house and make it a home.
On a completely different note.
My finals gonna be over tomorrow. And the next semester, I have a cross schedule which prevents me from seeing singer guy. I don't know if I am over him yet. I mean he sees me more as a friend and in the most unromantic ways but also sometimes it makes me wonder what if he ever felt more than that. What if he liked me. And I just ruined every chances with him. I mean there's like o.1 percent of him thinking me romantically and 99.9 percent of the time thinking me as a friend or a sister. But what do I know? What are the chances of things being flipped?
Fuck it. I know I am overthinking again. I mean I still have a little affection left for him. I don't think as much I used to think about him before, but the thought of him comes back after an interval. It is not completely gone. Maybe seeing his face less in the next semester would help me to get over it. Or make me feel even worse. I don't know. At this point I am just looking for a new face. Someone who would pick up where I leave off and mentally connect with me. And just. Love me back, and make me feel like I exist.
Our family have been living here since my mother got married to my father, since my sister was born, learned to walk and then talk and then me and my brother were born. We've been a joint family for all these years. I've never been alone in the family side. My cousins were there to play with. Then us, siblings, we grew up, after 20 something years, we grew apart. For a family feud that took place between my father and uncle over a piece of flat. And then, my brother took it so seriously, he got badly affected, he heard voices in his head, thought there were spy cameras, invading him, fixed by my uncle and then we came to realize, he isn't mentally well. He got diagnosed with schizophrenia. I don't know if that resulted from family issues but it surely did harm the mental harmony of my brother's health and nothing can be compromised now. We need a change. He needs a change. I need a change from all this.
The corners of my room, the varanda, every part of this house holds significance to my childhood my teen-hood. 20 years in a same place, same location, same apartment. I mean it is a big deal of us moving. But I crave some change. I cannot see anymore of this family conflict. I can't bear the fact that I am not allowed to go to my own uncle's house and meet my cousins. I can't bear the fact that my auntie didn't wish me on my birthday just because we are on a family feud. It is better to lay off- live in a distance so I don't have to sit and watch all these crap they put up for us and disrespects my parents. I am so done with their shit.
So yeah I cannot wait to go to our own new house and make it a home.
On a completely different note.
My finals gonna be over tomorrow. And the next semester, I have a cross schedule which prevents me from seeing singer guy. I don't know if I am over him yet. I mean he sees me more as a friend and in the most unromantic ways but also sometimes it makes me wonder what if he ever felt more than that. What if he liked me. And I just ruined every chances with him. I mean there's like o.1 percent of him thinking me romantically and 99.9 percent of the time thinking me as a friend or a sister. But what do I know? What are the chances of things being flipped?
Fuck it. I know I am overthinking again. I mean I still have a little affection left for him. I don't think as much I used to think about him before, but the thought of him comes back after an interval. It is not completely gone. Maybe seeing his face less in the next semester would help me to get over it. Or make me feel even worse. I don't know. At this point I am just looking for a new face. Someone who would pick up where I leave off and mentally connect with me. And just. Love me back, and make me feel like I exist.
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