Skip to main content
This morning I had a horrible dream of losing some one so precious to me, and when I woke up I was relieved that it was just a dream, but then I could feel the pain inside of me, like I've been through hell and back.You see, a nightmare can make you realize what your biggest fear is.My biggest fear is losing my dad.

The moment I realized it was just a dream, was the moment I realized forever does not last.There will be a time, when we're all gonna die.I can imagine myself at my own funeral, but I can't simply imagine a day without my father,not a single morning, not a split second.I just can't afford my life without him, it haunts me every now and then.I don't need anything on this earth when I have the most precious thing beside me,I'm thankful for every breath he takes and that he's with us.I just want him safe and sound.I want him for a lifetime.

I feel like my home, the home that my dad provided-is the happiest place on earth and ever will be.I may not have all the luxuries, I may not have everything I want, but I have everything that I need.I have my Abbu.I don't need anyone.When I'm with him I feel invincible, and the happiest and luckiest girl in the whole world.I can't tell you all the things he did for us, it won't fit in here.He's much more of a dad.He is my best friend.He is my hero.My inspiration.I don't need anything,seriously.I'm happy and blessed.Thank you Allah, you gave me the bestest dad ever.I owe you.

Religion does not define you.What defines you is your soul,not what you believe in.My dad might not be an organized religious man,but he is a good soul.He is kind, he is courageous,caring,loyal, there's no question about his character.When I talk after-life with him, I get surprised by his optimism and loyalty.

May Allah grant him his every single wish and a sound,profound health and a long life.

I will make my dad proud one day, I promise.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.

healing in progress

 Dear B,  What I learned from the past week is that I tend to take on grief from others in my family like my own. Even though there is nothing I can do about it to ease other's pain. Hence, I suffer internally.  There is a song that I deeply connect with:  Tu Jhoom | Naseebo Lal x Abida Parveen. It kind of goes like this: “What is meant to be yours will find you through any excuse. My heart, understand that there is nothing in your control. You just swirl (let it go)” My brother recently got rejected from a marriage proposal from a girl he really liked. It was arranged but this was his first experience talking with a girl. Seeing him being torn left me in tears as I know how much he was hurting. He is such a gentle soul. I took his pain as if my own and could not sleep at night. Nothing I say could ease his suffering but I still tried to cheer him up. I prayed genuinely for him to be showered with blessings. I want him to experience life, be with someone who would ca...