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I am dying inside.

I don't have to struggle with food, clothing, education, all the basic essentials and internet...Still I am dying inside. Little by little. Everyday. Does anyone know? No it's not that important because it's inside. I belong to a solvent family so there's nothing to be sad about. There's nothing to feel bad about. There's nothing to cry about. Telling that I am unhappy would be illegal. Irrelevant. Selfish. 

Telling that I wanna be alone would be dramatic, and telling that I want my freedom would be a shout in the void.

I am dying inside I know. I am. I sit everyday in this sofa and I spent all day here. I don't dance, I don't sing like I used to. I don't give a fuck. I just don't feel like I am alive that's all. Not so important. Important are the goals. Important are the things that are ought to be achieved. Important are those people who make you feel how unimportant you are in life. Nobody would ever ask you how are you so they can hear how you really are. These are small talks to get to the point. The point is not how you're feeling; the point is how much you succeeded, how much you're happy with your material self, how much frustrated you are with your failures in life; that is what it's really about.

There's war in Syria. People are dying. So I can't be unhappy with what I have. I should hashtag blessed. I should say- "No thank god I am not born there. Oh thank god, I have everything. I have everything I need to survive. I cannot be unhappy! How selfish that is to say I want more. I want to have more. How selfish that is to go after what I love. Love? What is that? Hobby? What the fuck is that?"

There's a universal rule-Don't take things for granted. 
There's more- You could be worse than this!
Life is not a bed of roses.
You should be thankful. 

You know I am thankful, I am. I have a loving family. I don't know what struggle is, I don't strive for food. I have never been in a country of war, I have never been in crisis. I haven't felt enough pain to have a right to be sad. I haven't been through enough to say- I can't take it anymore. Why. Why doesn't anyone understand pain cannot be measured in the same scale!  Depression does not go away seeing other people's crisis. 

I have every right to be sad. I have every right to show my feelings, good or bad. Does not relate to anyone.Emotions come from within. It is not external.You feel bad because you feel it. Inside of you. Comes from you. You react to things. Not the world. The world doesn't make you smile or bring you tears, You do. You, yourself do it. And you have every right to be emotional or have scattered feelings.Just because others have it worse than you, doesn't make you a happy person. It doesn't do anything. Emotion is like a locked box and only you have the key.
























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