flashbacks.

I started this blog on June,2013. Today while glancing through the previous posts it just occurred to me to give those things a flash back. A philosopher I was. And an optimist. Actually, reading those few posts made me realize how I've changed and grown since.SO I think it's worth a new post on 31st December and in the last hour of 2014.

"Every time it's like i'm changing bit by bit, knowing myself differently, and it's surprising how one person may not know what they're capable of, until they finally go ahead,feel it. "

...It's not that i'm completely relying on luck and whatsoever, but sometimes i guess mistakes can be really sweet and beneficial. i mean you'll never know, what is really going out there. you'll never know if you're assure of what you really want.In crisis, you may feel what you don't have. Again, being surrounded by all the craved thingies you wanted in your life, you may feel something is really missing. My point is that, expectations and reality can be freaking different. so there'd be gaps in them. it's you who can fill the gap by taking risks, get shocked,exhausting yourself with everything that life throws at you...I'm not in mood with philosophy but i think it's fun to pretend like "Ms. know it all" ;)...

"And sometimes, i feel like,this ain't gonna work. I'm not gonna be able to make it. But in the end, i get overwhelmed with the fact that, "i have made it through this." 

 Stay Happy. Stay satisfied. Stay cool. These are easy to say, and tough to be. I really can't remember, the last time when i was fully happy, or smiling or laughing like crazy. I mean seriously, did i stop for a moment and looked back to see how i was holding up with my life? Did i take a moment to feel what i was actually feeling? No. Some how i just skipped the emotional part and continued with the practical. Some how being happy became the least thing i wanted to have in my way towards life. But is it that simple? Leading life without preferring yourself a bit? I think that we all should just stop jostling and getting lost in this worldly life. Just take a moment, see what you've been through and appreciate what you've got. Good or Bad.

 We should have the courage to dream and to face reality in both hands. It is what it is, depending on how you see it. Expectations should be in your limits, so that you can easily attach it to the reality. If you can't make it, just give it time. time heals everything. Sometimes in this buzzing life, all you need is just a break from everything, and only you own it, no one else. Then everything seems so better, the pain heals itself, and the problems start to sorting out. Can we just halt a sec. and review all the good moments we had with our friends,families and loved ones? It can really be refreshing. Having all the flashbacks of good times. Life is not that bad, is it? 

 Do we need any particular reason to stay happy, satisfied? We are gifted a life from god, we have a beautiful earth having trees and oxygen so we can breath, we have families, we have loved ones, we have pets, we can go window shopping, (do i need any money for that?!), everything that we needed. Life could be worse. I could be born as a cockroach and could be bitten dozen of times by sandals, gross! So lucky that i'm a human. I can lead my life in my own rules. That is happiness. That is my satisfaction. Tell you what this can't get any better. I'm good with this "boring and not so special" kinda life. And i can try my best to put all the little things together to be a happy teen. :)

 The word inspiration reminds of my cool Daddy. From the very childhood days to this critical stage of my teen age life i would just go without saying that he's been my one and only inspiration. There's no such famous writers or celebrities or anyone that i can really admire more than i admire my father.

  I have so many things going on, I have so much things to get done but here i am. Master of doing nothing. I thought doing nothing would make me feel better.But no! it's just making it worse. 

 Todo para la familia. It’s one of my favorite Spanish quotes which means- Everything for family. I always try to maintain that fact, but sometimes when I have to choose between my family and friends I seem to be on the horns of a dilemma. But the end of the day, always, I decide to be with my family. No matter what, family will always be there for you. There is nothing worth than family support. Friends are also important but it can’t compete with blood relations. So certainly, family is something you can completely rely on with your eyes closed. I always consider myself lucky that I belong to a decent, yet an awesome family. I feel proud to be a part of it.

Youth violence is spreading over almost every country in the world. I think “family” has something to do with it. Teen agers are hard to handle. I understand that because I am seventeen and I’m troublesome to my parents. This is a very sensitive period so I think family support and appreciation is very much needed at this stage. Sometimes it’s hard to cope up with elders in family but I guess teens should at least have a little respect for their elders. Because they have seen the world much more than we did. And for elders, yes we have a lot of demand from them. At least they should try to understand our feelings and know that change is not bad. They shouldn’t get afraid to welcome the new ideas of youth. They should appreciate and get inspired.One should not feel left or unappreciated in his/her own family. I think that a healthy and happy family leads to a peaceful world. So get attached with your family. It’s a pretty precious thing to have. If you don’t wanna lose it then please! Take a good care of your family members. Love them, hug them and grow old with them! 

 When I was a little kid i always wanted to grow up quickly. I used to think that if i grow up fast, i would get all those freedoms i wished for,do anything i want,have my own kid,scold them,tease them,drive my own car,have my own apartment,money,business and everything a girl can wish for. But trust me,as soon as i am growing up now, I'm realizing life isn't as easy as it seems. It's not carefree nor always with freedom. I had an argument with my parents for sparing me these days. After shedding some dramatic tears realized something lately. I'm not a kid anymore!I'm seventeen! I'm a big girl with so many hopes and dreams and expectations from my parents. They're not gonna be always with me,Life's too short. I wish i could have them for entire life but (sigh!). Missing my old days..Life was so easy back then. I could stay with my parents for almost 24/7, they used to take care of me like a baby. Now all these Freedoms,and future adult utilities seeming really unwanted to me.  I miss my colorful childhood where the hardest decision was to pick a ice-cream flavor.I used to watch back-to-back cartoon episodes (i still watch cartoons but not much:( I miss all those stories and fairy-tales that made my childhood so thrilling and joyous. Growing up sucks!...But i just can't stop me from growing up. Everyday I'm going outside and learning something new.Every single day is turning into a whole new level. I'm making mistakes,pacing back and forth and every time i'm growing little by little....

 I'm a ordinary teenage girl,who loses hopes sometimes and passes hours in her locked room.I cry too,I decide to stop hoping and dreaming too,but at the end of the day i end up in dreaming and having affirmative thoughts. That's the human nature you know.You can't just stay awake without having thoughts whether its about losing or gaining.“When it was dark, you always carried the sun in your hand for me.” 

― Seán O'Casey, Three More Plays: The Silver Tassie, Purple Dust, Red Roses For Me So yes,at the end somehow i just get rid of my hopeless situations.I just get a new light of hope.That gives me strength to continue with my life.So dreaming or hoping for the best isn't a waste of time.It has its own benefits.The life that you desire to have,The dreams that you cherish, The courage that you admire and everything,every little piece that gave you hope,saved you from shattering, don't give up on that.Because you just don't know how much you are capable of. At every step life is gonna surprise you with your capability.So giving up,losing hopes and stop dreaming are the worst possible things you're gonna do.So please don't give up on your dreams.That's the tiniest suggestion i'm giving you from my small observation.

 I seriously hope that "someday" this world gonna change,the people in it,gonna change too.No i don't mean any bad change.I want a good change.A change for peace and happiness.There'll be no depressions,sadness,bullies,junkies and broken hearts.This Someday gonna come someday.I believe that.

 words are powerful.so everyone should have a right sense of using words with others.it can heal or break one's heart.So if you want to make your person happy you have to play words with him/her in right way.do not use any type of words that you will regret afterwards,or you wish to take it back.express pretty things to the persons you love most and make them happy.:)

 The things that still scare the hell outta me, are cockroach and spiders. Many find it cute, but when I jump out seeing those yucky creatures chasing toward me, it surely doesn't feel cute to me. All the screaming and "I can not live under the same roof with these" feeling...ugh. I guess I'll never gonna be able to overcome these fears.Ever!

she's always this clumsy. Always. you know, there were times, she could just sober up and learn from her mistakes and could get back on her feet, but she just wouldn't. She never learns from her mistakes, even making'em dozens or tons.because this is she.learning is not her thing. She is bad at pretending, predicting. She can't drive her emotions likely to her thoughts.She can't sleep because her unexpressed emotions are buried alive and those bug her all night.

She's insecure of every little thing. her hair, her smile, those not always go in a natural way. she feels insecure putting her hair down or even smile, showing her teeth off at times.because she knows,she has imperfections,lot of'em and god has not sharpen her nose nor blessed her with big breasts.At times, she feels unattractive, useless and unloved.But her life randomly goes on, those unimportant feelings get all smashed up within the days of her lives.You know what's really powerfully sexy? ...A woman who realizes how beautiful she is.Courtney E. Martin.She's a dreamer, a wanderer.a doer? ...maybe. she thinks about the universe and life's and stuffs while in the shower.She hides her weirdness through her silence. She hides her pain through her smile. She does not know how to make small talks to complete strangers. because she is shy.She does not preferably know how to react when someone's saying good things about her, because that makes her even more shy, so she just listens to that so awkwardly, without a word.And often she cries looking at the mirror, she feels pity herself, how can one person hurt this innocent looking face, with tears all over it? how?“One day, she’d find a way to live her life to the fullest. She was sure of it. She just had no idea how she would manage it.” ― Ilona Andrews,On the Edge you will feel no spark in her tiresome eyes,no mystery in her childish smile and no lust in her stories.Because you don't try to get to know her. You don't know how courageous she can get when she's willing to.You lost her the day you judged her. and You don't even know you've lost her. Her existence is soulless to you.And some day, you'd look her in the eye, because you can't but help dumping the curiosity that how's she been doing...and that would take you by surprise because she's doing way better than you think she would.She's like a box of chocolate.You'll never know what you're gonna get.Nobody ever sees the face she wakes up to, or after a soothing bath, how she glows.Nobody but God.She's a beautiful mess.