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Confession #69

Tomorrow is the last day of my college life. The last time I would actually be sitting in that classroom. I am definitely going to miss that coziness, that long-boring class hours, off-hours, gossiping about almost anything and everything during lectures and tiff-in breaks. We've become so close now. Everybody is everybody's friends. There's no jealousy, no fights. We have bonded so well this last year. I am gonna miss those familiar faces. Most importantly, I am gonna miss my gang. Ankan & Ann. Ann's now in the USA. I am already missing her. And Ankan I don't even know what I'd do without her. She missed the private yesterday so I had to go there all by myself. And it sucked. I had no one to talk to and Sir was already so late. Actually, I managed to talk with my classmates there, they didn't bore me much. But it wasn't the same without Ankan. I just passed one day without her and my day turned into some shit. I was so depressed when I got home.

You have no idea how much I am going to miss the Stat classes and the person taking it.He's my favorite kind of teacher. It aches to even think that tomorrow will be his last class for us. I am still going to see him in the private for few months now but it would not be the same as college days. That college gate, through that hallway everyday I would desperately wait to see him walk by. And tomorrow would be the end of it. The end of every little dream I had about him through the year. That stairway where I'd met his red-blue check-shirt. That teacher's room where I would often peek up at his busied self. His lectures, his jokes, his childish things. I am gonna miss all of it. And maybe it's enough for me if he remembers my name and that I was his student once. Even when, I don't know how to forget the ache to see him with so much desperation and those crazy fascinations I once had about him. He'd probably be the first "real" person I've ever fallen in love with. Who's no celebrity, just a normal, flawed, decent guy.

And I came to my own realization that- those feelings I have for him are obvious. I bet, half of the girls in my class have a crush on him. Because we're in a girls' college and there's not enough guys to crush onto. He's probably the most decent and crush-able teacher among the other ones. I admit, I am deeply attracted to him. But he is not. Because he has hundreds of students like me who are crushing on him.He doesn't even know me that much. But when he recognizes me from the hundred, through the numerous number of ex-students also the new and current ones, it means the world to me. He's very much caring and a very good teacher. I love a hard-working man. I better hope my desperation to see his face every morning in college eases with time.

My college life. It started with all the coping up and disgust. Now it's ending with so much awes.
I've made so many friends, from school to this college. My class-mates who at first seemed completely out of friend-zone,have become oh-so-friendly. Even two days back, I learned, Atashi and Toma, who seemed like they were ignoring me the whole first year actually longed to make friendship with me. Turned out- I was the only one who was indifferent to them. Hopefully, the last year we passed really good moments together so no point in regretting. They say they love me a very good amount and never gonna forget the fun we always had.I am happy that I've made some place in these people's hearts. And when I gave my diary to write me something they filled it with so many sweet and funny comments. I wore a face-splitting grin as I was going through the pages of those hilarious comments they wrote about me. And almost cried realizing that my college days have come to an end. I am never going to get back those scattering-screaming-stomach-hurting laughs that I had with my friends, those off-class-periods retarded moments in the premises, that canteen where we shared one coke with 5 straws, one plate of fuchka with 5 spoons(and the spoons we had to steal from the dish washing place because they don't allow plates with more than one spoon each.) That biology lab where we dressed the skeleton with some apron to prank the science students. And the plastic snake to give everyone a mini-heart attack.Those silly games we played on the field. Those sweet punishments that teachers had given us. I am gonna miss all that insanity.
Looking back at it now I feel, my life has taken one hell of a beautiful journey.



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