Skip to main content

confession# 76

I screwed up. I don't know what's waiting for me out there but I surely did screw up my future.Today's Accounting exam was crap and I have ICT and Management to worry about too. So that makes it what, three? F marks on three tests? How are they gonna let me register for HSC? I have made such a mess.And I have almost given up.
All I want is another chance. But I think I am out of second chances too.There is no way I could pass through this. The thing is, I go completely insane when I'm on pressure. Syllabus,. tests, admissions these go completely out of my favor. I screw up  when I am pressurized. And I am not a hard-worker. Even when I have hard plans, I fail to accomplish them through my work. That's how I am.I always struggle in the last minute. And this is Bangladesh. If I fail, my whole life would sink into a never-ending despair.I can't drop college just like that.And here,I can't do justice to any kind of  passions I have it in  me.I can't just drop college and go join some art school or go to dance classes,or start some catering business.Even the thought of pursuing passion seems too pricey.
So let's just say, I ruined the life I could have. If I actually fail, they'd want me to repeat another year. Repeating another year means, no seat in the public university. That means no degrees, no jobs. That means no income. Means no traveling around the world. Means no dreams come true. Who knew this 2014 would be such destructive year for me?
I was almost giving up.But letting my father down is the last thing on my mind. If Allah gives me another chance, I'd do the best as I can.I know I am worthy to attend HSC. He knows it too.So,I put my future in His hands.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more

v day

 I am in luteal phase and everything my husband doing is irritating me.  It is all scientific I know but still everything is so annoying and I just wanted pizza. He ordered biryani.  I wanted to go on a date on valentines day. He brought me flowers, which was sweet but he forgot to book the restaurant and we ended up going costco instead. I just feel like I am wasting my best years on him. Is it normal to feel like that. We are almost 2 years into our married life and I already miss our initial chemistry. I feel like we are being like an old married couple. It shouldn't feel like that, right? I mean, it is still new; we aren't that old yet.  I feel so bored honestly, and disappointed.  Again, this could be because of my luteal phase.  I am sad too.  I wish, he made a little more effort to make me feel special. Make me feel deserving. I wish I didn't dress up to do our groceries on Valentines day. 
Post a Comment
Read more

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more