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 Dear B,

I feel so deeply lost, anxious, sad, and scared. Most of my problems stem from financial issues. I wish I could be calm and collected in front of my husband who is trying his best to afford us together. However, there are times, I just let out my frustrations. I am human and super emotional one at that. I grew up seeing financial hurdles my parents faced and I have seen my mom always being a bitch to him. I never in my whole life wanted to be like my mom. How she caused so much stress in the family and always shouting at us or my dad for not having enough to sustain us. I have seen my dad work so hard for us. I have seen his struggles. I never wanted to be this ungrateful person but this is so hard! It is like my childhood trauma baggage is unfolding again. 

The most stable stage in my life was back home, when I had a job. The feeling of independence was something else. Now, I miss it to the core. I am a 28 year old woman, basically a house-wife now and it kills me inside everyday. I wake up with the feeling of void. I am not that materialistic. Don't get me wrong. I just want to afford the basic things in life. Currently, I am not even able to do that. I don't want to blame my husband because I see that he tries. He takes care of me with all he has. I am very grateful for that. I don't have any regrets marrying him. 

I have to love myself. I can't wake up this late, have a bad diet, not exercise, do absolutely nothing all day. This life is not acceptable. I need to have more discipline and have to fall in love with life again. I know things are tough now but it will get better. I have to stay strong. I have to pick myself up. I have to do things I commit myself to. I have to show up for myself. If I don't, nobody else will. 

So B, can you please tell me everything will be okay? Because I have nobody here I can share these things to. I am that hopeless and lost child again who has no one to turn to for these. I feel like I am back to the same hellhole I once was in. Can you save me again?

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