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Dear B, 

2024 is almost to an end and I can't believe how much shit I have endured this year. From quitting a job to moving to a new country, leaving loved ones back home, living with husband, starting a life together to the hardcore reality of unemployment, unplanned pregnancy, the excruciating pain of abortion, feeling the loneliest girl on earth, I endured it all. There is no pain without gain and I believe there will be a day I will look back and be grateful for all the sufferings. For now, I am still questioning, why do I have to go through this. 

I guess I had underestimated how hard it is it start over in a different country. The cultural gap, the communication, and even seeking for relevancy in day to day conversations with people; everything is different. Being a shy girl also doesn't help to mingle with people. Honestly, that has been the biggest obstacle in getting a job here. In Bangladesh, I used to just submit my resume and hope for an interview call. Here, your task doesn't end by submitting a resume with cover letter. You have to get out of your comfort zone and network with people. Even that doesn't secure anything. Getting an interview call is like winning the odds of a lottery ticket. 

There are days where I find myself completely and utterly lost. There are days, I just argue with my husband. There are days we are just sad about our financial situation. However, I chose love above anything and I know this won't be easy. I accepted that it would be hard and I will have to work for it. 

Then again, there are days I am so utterly grateful for the life I have. For having someone who gives me love and affection and someone to wake up next to. Someone to cozy up in a cold cold day watching movies and having warm meal together. Sure, we are living from his paycheque to paycheque but we do find home in each other. I know I wouldn't be able to do this life thing with any other man. 

2025 will be a hustling year and I know the universe will have my back. 

I just have to say yes to being uncomfortable as nothing will come out of staying in my own shell. 

Pray for me, B!

Happy Holidays to you! 

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