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Dear B,

Hope this is finding you in great spirits. As for me, I have been so so good and grateful these days. 

My husband went camping for 3 days with his boys. I had to be all by myself. He was out in the wilderness. We did not have any phone calls or any form of communication these 3 days. That made me hit an epiphany. I realized he has become an intrinsic part of my life and how much I love him. I felt his absence every moment and missed him so much it was almost embarrassing as I never thought I was this much needy. I haven't stopped snuggling with him since he has got back. I guess, distance does make the heart go fonder. Also, living together everyday, making memories, loving, and caring for each other have made our relationship even stronger. I am grateful for this amazing relationship we are nurturing. However, I know nothing is permanent on this earth. It scares me to death how much attached I am with this person. Maybe because I currently don't have a full time job that I can divert some of my energy to, most of the times I am consumed in us. Of course, you gotta give your all to your relationship but you also should take care of yourself in the meantime. The fear derives from the fact that I am so dependent on him. He has been taking care of me so well though. However, I don't want to get too comfortable and stop myself from evolving and working towards making our lives better. 

I am trying on this online course now on project management. I guess I have been too comfortable with myself lately. Also, disheartened because I have not getting any jobs. I also got the culture shock when I got here. Everything is overwhelming me but I am pushing through it. There has been awful days and good days too. I guess I get overwhelmed by the fact that in this country in this life, I am on my own. My parents are not here to dictate every move I make in life now. I am on my own. Making everyday life decisions. Planning meals. Getting groceries. Who knew little things like that could feel like a massive change. 

I did have outbursts and sudden mental breakdowns just remembering the fact that I am away from home. It makes me cry when I look at their faces on facebook. I seriously crave to hug especially my father. If anyone in the world who stood by me through childhood it is my father. I can't believe I am so far way from him and it has been months I haven't hugged him. As I am writing this, my eyes are filled with tears. I know everybody's father is the best from their biased perspectives but I think I have the best father in this world. He is such a good person like I never saw someone be this soft, gentle, kind, loyal, responsible, and so giving. I seriously can't contain myself when I talk about him. 

I think it is very important to count your blessings and be grateful. Honestly, material things don't attract me anymore. I am all about making memories and loving the person in front of me and radiating joy. 

I guess what I need right now is focus on getting some education and improve myself. It can't happen in one day but I can try working on myself every day. 

It is late night and my husband is sleeping in the other room. I couldn't sleep thinking I have something to share and also I should at least finish at least one chapter of the new online course I have just started. 

Please send all your good wishes toward me so I don't give up on myself. I know it won't be always rainbows and butterflies. I need to push through all the dark and depressing days and feel the blessings I already have in my life. 

Thank you for always being here for me. You're the only therapy I can afford. 

x
Love 
x

R

















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