Everly

Why is it important to seek closure. Why it important to have a healthy discussion over things that took space in your mind for days and making you lose apatite.  Trust me, it's all worth it. It's going to give you a full night's sleep and an end to emotional draining thoughts. I had been talking with this guy for like more than a month and we were mostly lusting over each other. We both knew we did not see a future together. It started to get confusing and at some point intense. I liked him but the idea of "us" did not make sense. However, I could not stop talking with him. We could not go on a date due to lockdown. I was kind of hoping secretly we don't. I did not want to get more attached. He is a decent guy and amidst some bad days and some good days, he was there for me. I will miss him. I am also glad it is over between us. I need to keep searching for the love and if I get stuck like this, I would not be able to find love. The most amazing thing was tha...

I was mostly in dark about men all my teenage life. I did not know how they function. I could not even look them in the eyes and talk. It is so weird how I perceived them. The only men in my life were from family and I used to shut my mouth around other men...I used to watch a lot of romantic shows and movies and even dreamt about getting married but never actually processed the "dating" or "talking" to a man to reach to that point. It is so embarrassing to think back. If I were normal around men, trying to get to know men, trying to be myself around men, I would not be this confused person.  For me now, I just look at them as a validation bank.  It is not healthy to be overly attached to the image they create for me. I do not know what I am. I only know the person I am based on what they say to me. One of the reasons, us girls get emotionally attached to a man is because we think what they think is so much important and special. Living in a patriarchal society, our...

 The whole country is in shut down again. I do not know how many years this virus will torment us like this. All I know is, it will not leave us any time soon.  The only good thing among the bad things this year is that, I got the job. My first legit job. I worked hard for it. My challenges do not end here. There is so much to learn and grow. I am just happy I landed where I wanted to be.  I am so distant though, kind of disconnected from people. Friends.  I feel alone but okay with it.  I know if I die now, I won't be remembered as much. My family will mourn but the people I encountered with in life will not have much affect in their lives me being gone. This is the most harsh truth of life. This does not pain me. It is only practical because I have not made a change/impact. My energy has not been so forceful or fierce. My soul energy is timid and careful. When you are a person like that, you are easily forgotten. I am okay with that sort of identity. Ultimatel...