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 If I learned anything from the pandemic, it is that, everything has its consequences, no matter how insignificant or small, your actions will give you a result. The butterfly effect. Everything is connected. 

Oh god it hurt. Right in my heart. I was up at 3 am, stalking. I found out about the new girl he was seeing. I found out they made a trip last month. I wailed like somebody I love died. Dear B, you have no idea, what went through inside my head. I was telling Allah, take this pain away, please. I am not capable of handling this right now. Take this pain away once and for all. I don't love him, it is just an infatuation, I can't escape.

The universe somehow listened. I got a notification, from the guy I am recently talking with. We are from different countries, but our culture is not completely out of context. He is a South Asian too.  We chatted the whole night, and he showered me with love and affection  and the end of it, I was feeling okay. I was in the middle of a breakdown when he knocked me. It was as if, the universe somehow caressed my pain away, it knew what I needed at that exact moment.

Fast forward now, I am starting to take care of myself. I am connecting with art, music, literature, life.

I am gradually falling in love with life. Wherever he is, whoever he is with, I wish him good things. I wish he has found what he was looking for. And I think the girl is very decent. Yes I stalked her too. 

I have nothing but love inside me. I have so much love, it is overpouring. I am so warm and happy and compassionate. I deserve to be treated with same respect.

And my kindness is limitless. I see good in people. God is there for me. No matter how much pain, I am capable of handling it. The universe is looking out for me too.

There is nothing sweeter than the learnings from pain. It is the source of all growth. It is the source of definition. It is the source of evolution of a character. 

And I am happy that I got to experience that.

I am my own person now. I am sufficient. 

I finally love myself. Every bit. 

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