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When I talk about depression to my father. He doesn't understand it. Instead he just tries to fix me. He thinks waking up in the morning and having breakfast is the only solution to all my problems.
I know he's only got good intentions. But he just doesn't get it, does he?
I know talking about how my life could've been better, is a bad choice of words because, it only hurts him. He thinks, I am not happy because he couldn't give me the life. That's not what I intended to say.
I wanted to create a life for myself, I wanted him to believe in me, since childhood I wanted to become my own person. Living on his money, on his hard work and constantly being pushed around as a 'problematic child' was not my dream.

He just doesn't get it, I am not happy not because we aren't rich. I am not happy because, I feel lost. I feel frustrated with myself, how so little self esteem I have and how I just feel like a waste of space.

My emotions go out of control sometimes. I didn't mean to make him cry. He is hurt because he thinks he is not enough. He thinks all he did for us as a parent, has not been enough.

I didn't want my toxic emotions to spread negativity into his life. I couldn't ask for a better father, ever. I just wanted him to let me go, that's it. Let me deal with my shit, myself. I don't want him to get  hurt seeing things he just doesn't understand, and I don't think ever will.

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