Everly

My strategy of keeping friends is giving them enough space to deal with their own issues, as I deal with mine. And I just hit an epiphany that, it only creates resentments not bonding. When I see my friend, invading my space, I grow skeptical about her/him and I just close up even more. And I even judge people for being too control freak or intruding. I have always been peace loving, less arguing kinda girl. You do your thing, I do mine, yet we be friends for life. But the main issue here is, when you create such a boundary, you grow apart. This is not friendship. This becomes just a phase of it. Yet I expect a sort of validation from them, a way to belong in a group. I feel like with this little much emotional contribution, no one can explore the depth of friendship. It is just an awkward foundation and will eventually frustrate you as you start to realize they're talking among themselves, having a great time and you are just there.  I had a hard time, understanding humans....

Ramadan and summer is mutually inclusive events now. I am not fasting today. Couldn't wake up at sehri. I am so tired and numb to write. But I just thought why not write a few words. My classes started. I have the most fucked up routine this semester. And I hate the sun. It's been super cruel. 

Men.  I wish some man came to my life and could change the perspective I have for men. And the frustrations I have. I blame the marketing campaign i.e- valentines day. The romantic movies like Serendipity, You've got mail, The notebook. For shaping my mind into thinking, Men have to be that way. They have to sweep me off my feet, be all charming and cute and be obsessed with me.  I had in fact no real connection. I had never been on a date with a man to come to this conclusion that they are frustrating. I had only made virtual connections that didn't last even for a month. I am stuck between what ifs. What if he really turned out to be a nice guy. Someone sweet if only I met him. The man I thought I loved in real life, only made effort to say pick up lines. He started giving me attention only when I got a bit lady like, like Anjali in Kuch Kuch Hota Hain, or like Sanjana in Main Hoon Na. But as I said, these movies show false representation of reality. My story is some...

Biggest lie I pulled off with my parents! And I am glad I did. Ok now ready to get sentimental! If you have watched Friends, you'd know life with so much issues attached to it, can be enjoyed too. With the people beside you. People you call your friends. You don't know how much blessed I am feeling. There are no other way to describe it. If you had said it to the person I was say, seven or eight years ago, I wouldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe this is possible. Having friends. Having people who understands. Or who is just there. To make you feel you belong. To make you feel you're not alone in this world...You just as much exist as the other people on earth.  I do feel guilty that I fooled my parents for this. But I needed this. One night away. To be away from all the disappointments as a daughter, a sister.  What makes me gloomy is, it was short lived. The joy of it all. But it was beautiful. And I am thankful.