Everly

After a lump sum amount of time spent in self-loathing and being terrified of being single at the age of 22(Turning in about 3 days) I opened Tinder again, and to my own surprise I found two matches! How this self-loathing, insecure creature become a chanova online, how and like really how? I ended up chatting with both the guys. So Let's nickname them something shall we? Guy number A whom I totally swiped like at first seeing the picture, he was kind of handsome. But I didn't read his bio. I must have swiped it too fast. Let's call him Demon. Guy number B, I swiped it just because I liked his smile. I read his bio, he studies in a private university, doing his internship, just a year older than me.Let's call him Stefan. Both are pretty close by as it showed, like 3/ a mile away from me. Demon knocked me first and he was being sarcastic all over, and I kind of liked him. Until I checked his bio- he's married, has kids, looking for some side action. My eyes ...

You could die of a fish bone stuck in your throat, and the last words you hear from your father had to be - Can't you eat more carefully for god's sake? Are you blind?!  I thought I was dying for real, and the fact that I was making my parents disappointed in me even at the last min had killed me hypothetically twice inside before the fish bone ever could. Why can't my parents be happy for once, proud for once that I was born? Why do I always have to be reminded of all my misdoings and failures in life by them? Why can't they understand, people's successes aren't inter-related, they are depended on individual's dedication, hard work, talents and skills and just because some people found the door to success that does not mean, I lack in my own experience and skills? I cannot blame them for being who they are, they are brainwashed by the society. What hurts me most is, they once were my age, They must've known the struggles. The depressions, the ch...

Bits of memory I thought I lost long before, but it peeked into my eyes and made me question, whether I was there, or it all were just a dream. I spent 7 years in a half orphan school, a missionary school that accommodated christian orphans/needy children along side other students. They were always sticking together though but I never looked down on them. I remember watching them picking lice from each other's hair, telling stories of their homes and stuffs. Everybody knew everybody's name in class. We had the same subjects and same teachers. I knew myself, someday, I will get out of this school and go to a more renowned, standard school. I wasn't a good student. I was very unhappy studying there, I wanted to be in a smart environment, where I'd learn things, talk in a way that smart kids did. But today, I look back and think studying there had taught me how to cope up, added diversity and made me an understandable person. And it's not that I was always unhappy...

Have you ever had a feeling that you have to cherish every little thing that is happening now? What we're certain of could demolish into a blunt uncertainty the next min. It makes me wonder what would be my very last thought at the very last moment of being alive in this world? In this dangerously beautiful hardcore world, that is growing and demolishing each day, a soul births, a soul gets away. This constant cycle and its traces. Seriously, what would people remember me by? The US-Bangla plane crash putting 51 through hell and death. According to Islam, there is a life after death-But to be honest in my opinion, didn't it all happened at once? Didn't they go through a tons of pain, suffocation, seeing loved ones die before their own eyes while they're at it themselves. My lack of knowledge in my religion actually forbids me to have an opinion about after life. For me, it has always worked as an element to suppress wrongful desires or doings. I am not a self rig...

You know you've grown out of your age when you check the granny section during shoe shopping. You're more of a 'comfort beats style' kinda person. I was never a shoe enthusiast. Mainly because whenever I'd to buy shoes I looked at the price and a stunning pair always had the higher range so I was stuck with regular, hideous sandals or flats or sparkly looking heels that were out of style. They say shoes define a person's financial status, it is not that I don't buy expensive things, I do invest, moderately, but just not on shoes. It's not my field of interest. I do adore a good looking pair, but I always hated my feet, ergo, I never liked looking what I tried on. My sister on the other hand is a shopaholic, an expert on this. I miss her. Whenever I go shopping now, I think about how she used to be such a pain in the ass and a freaking time consumer.  Whenever I check the price tags, I day dream that someday, I'll be employed and buy all the ...

wh at i miss most is how you loved me. but what i didn’t know was how you loved me had so much to do with the person i was. it was a reflection of everything i gave to you. coming back to me. how did i not see that. how. did i sit here soaking in the idea that no one else would love me that way. when it was i that taught you. when it was i that showed you how to fill. the way i needed to be filled. how cruel i was to myself. giving you credit for my warmth simply because you had felt it. thinking it was you who gave me strength. wit. beauty. simply because you recognized it. as if i was already not these things before i met you. as if i did not remain all these once you left. you leave but you don’t stay gone wh y do you do that wh y do you abandon the thing you want to keep wh y do you linger in a place you do not want to stay wh y do you think it’s okay to do both go and return all at once

Not sure how I feel about playing the villain in the family. My parents hate me, well they'd been hating on me since I don't remember. Just because how I live my life, sleep way too much and don't eat timely. Well they're lucky I don't do drugs or cigars. I should tho...My life is super dull.  

My niece is leaving today. I'm gonna be depressed for days. But when I think about her playing in the snow, going to school, talking in cute accent and having a beautiful future, my joy overshadows the pain of missing her.