Everly

I am thinking of doing a small business, some sort of artsy crafty online thing. But I don't know how to pursue that. I clearly need supplies and diy ideas and a lot of things that our country doesn't sell. My friends and I had discussed about this before we even have a group in facebook messanger but we aren't sure how to get a startup, everyone's probably busy. But I want to start like I really really do. Online businesses are blooming these days and I really kind of in need of doing something by my own. UGH so frustrated now. Umm,,,So I noted down couple of things. I can do notebooks, of fandom covers and illustrations -customized mugs -bookmarks or stickers -selfie placards for parties -Tshirts/Pillow cases with texts- all I need is transfer papers, I don't know where to find that -Posters I still don't know how to start this, I mean need a lot of publicity and productiveness. 

I am ignoring him bluntly on his face. I don't know if he figured it out yet or actually "cares" that I am not around him much. I know it's rude and childish but I think it's working. I am rather numb about him now. I don't feel like I need his attention anymore, nor do I feel like I should give him some. It may cost whatever friendship we had all the year round but there is no other way to get over him fast. Now there's nothing holding me back, no awkward encounters, no conversation to playback or smile to. I think this is the way. THE WAY to self empowerment. Today I kind of felt irritated at Turtle Dove. It is none of her problem. It's mine. I find her too loud sometimes. It's annoying how she talks and talks and talks. And no matter how I tell myself I am okay with her and Batman's cuddling in public, I am not. I feel awkward seeing him sniff her hair sometimes or lean on her neck and all the couply things they do yet T says to me she do...

It is funny how when I have all the time to myself, I usually devote it to trouble my mind. Torture myself with vivid memories of me being insufficient and I automatically play a girl of a weak character. It has sort of become my pattern, I think to myself, as weak and clumsy and inefficient. Whom is not worthy of anyone's praises...I wonder if I will ever be able to escape this endless self doubt and pity? Am I ever going to feel like I own it? All seriousness aside, this semester is going to be a long one. I am already tired of it. Is there anything or anyone who can cheer me up? I don't think so...Is this my frustration of not finding anyone suitable to date? Maybe...I might like to inform you, I once tried Tinder, and massively failed. The ones that I was matched, was either looking for a hookup, or has a girlfriend, just came to kill time...Another who I was matched with, had a business to run and barely could reply instantly, it was as if, I was the one had all the tim...

So class got cancelled. I am not going to university today. I like such surprises in the morning. I am loving Downton Abbey. The thing I love about this tv show is that, it has a very clean graphics. And the actors are awfully good with their dialogues. The season 2 is on download so I am waiting. I realized one thing. My life is not dull, I am dull. I get bored with even hearing myself talk. I mean I am not interesting at all. Is that something changeable? Maybe with experience and course of events, I'll turn into somewhat substantial and interesting but I don't see it coming soon. I just loathed the idea of me being stuck in here forever. T and I we both wanna leave the country and pursue masters in Canada, which is a farfetched dream I know. Neither of our family is gonna pay for that, the only way to convince them is to get accepted in a scholarship program. And I highly doubt about getting full free scholarship in the near future. We are so average. She is getting bett...

I've set a ground rule for myself. I decided that I will not speak to him ever again and keep my distance from him whenever he is around. Because last time I spoke, things didn't turn any way near good and left me drained of my happiness...Okay enough of the self-torture, I need to step up for myself and avoid him. Today I have just one class, and I hope I don't have to see his face. It happened that day. I came back from lab and he was the last person I wanted to see. God just granted me the wish because just when I looked toward the door, he entered and I had my nightmares come true, I had to force myself to talk to him because nobody else had class and it was just us. And T arrived a bit late. And I was already awkward the moment he sat beside me. There's nothing....NOTHING that I could speak that could keep the flow going. It was rather awkward to speak than being silent together. Oh my god. How much I regret coming out of lab. And that wasn't the only prob...

I am at computer lab, these days I go to classes early, okay way early. One of the disadvantages of leaving our old house. It was so close to my university. I literally spend an hour and half daily in the car to come to classes. And because we can't detour for the traffic, my dad tells me to come early with him as he has to go to his office in the morning. Anyway, classes are going fine these days. Only problem is. I am thinking about him too often. It is like a disease. Every moment, I would recall something he said or did or imagine talking to him and it is just not doing me good. I am supposed to move on by now. He is supposed to mean nothing to me. He is not even a good friend of mine, and we don't talk to each other so often. Then why is that I can't shut him up in my mind? Yesterday, everyone in our friend circle was asked a question- Who would you Kill,marry and hookup? The answer had to be hetro. So it kind of stir everyone's reaction. I obviously didn'...

I enjoy doing brainless activities. I realized that while washing dishes this morning. And frying rotis for everyone's breakfast. Our maid has gone out for holidays and I successfully woke up this morning, and thus helping out my mother. She is on skype with my grandmother and aunties, all from abroad, and I was in the kitchen listening bits of their conversation... So apparently my cousin, Hia, she is on diet and ends up eating everything, Someone's name I didn't catch, her hair grew and Rusmi's hair getting thinner, and I heard a kid's voice probably mom's nephew or something....It has been pouring outside and I made us some tea.... I think I might just start Downton Abbey, have heard lots of good reviews on this series. And Breaking Bad is on my list too. I just keep dodging good old tv shows every one talks about. This time I am gonna download it on my pc so I don't lose interest while it buffers on live streaming. Tomorrow my classes start. Gott...

I performed fazar salat today...And haven't slept all night. Kind of feeling peaceful after namaz/// I took a huge gap, I think last time I sat on my zainamaz it was ramadan month. So I am starting again from today, hope I'd be punctual enough to stick to five waqts a day. Enough moslim talk. Umm. So I have been sleeping like a pig. I woke up at 8 pm last night and haven't got any sleep since. These days, I overslept for abnormal hours and  only when my parents shouted, bit me with a hanger, I forced myself to get up from bed and shower and eat and  do usual things...Every morning my brother would come by my room and splash water on me, and I remember badmouthing him. I called him son of a bitch. This is first time in a long time I said something to him like that...Since he was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was nothing but sweet to him, I felt sensitive to even talk to him. I stopped myself speaking any kind of negativity in front him, only words of encouragement onl...

is it too strange that I know his ex's birthday by heart? I wonder what he's feeling now, I mean last year, exactly at this moment, he might be planning her birthday surprise and a month after that she broke up with him the day after his birthday. Oh gosh, I know so much of their lives they don't know I know. It is kinda creepy. I cannot but get obsessed with other people's love lives, it is just that I don't have my own. I am like FBI on couples that  I adore or once adored. Anyway. I've been watching The Mindy Project. It is like the food to the soul. If you like romantic comedies and you're up for a season marathon not just hour and half of a movie, then you must start binging on this show. It is the perfect combination of romance and comedy. I am absolutely enjoying it.

Nothing special to report you there bloggie.Eid ul adha is done. My classes gonna start within almost a week... I feel like I am turning into a slug. Seriously, I am always in bed these holidays. I don't do anything, literally, other than fulfilling my hygiene needs and hunger, all I do is sleep,eat,shower,repeat. Getting sick of of my chins. They're beginning to look chubby again... The last thing I want is dying looking like an obese.