to be honest, I'm not a stereotype. But there are certain rules that I follow.
I don't blend in that much.
I don't have much confidence,sometimes I'm insecure, and words hit me than anything else.
I looooooove reading Marilyn Monroe quotes, I've not even watched any of her films yet,but her words inspire me like crazy.
When I was a little girl, I always dreamed to live in a big house with my parents,barbie dolls, toys and wear all beautiful dresses and stuff like that.But as I was growing up, I realized that things aren't that easy.Society has it's way of shattering you and your dreams. I was never told I was pretty, whereas I saw other pretty girls treated fairly before me which was offensive.I was a girl too. I had feelings, I deserved to feel special.But everyone would judge you by your face,the clothes that you wear, and all that.
Why am I so obsessed about this stupid judgements that society makes? Because I have a story behind it.
It's painful when other people judge you by your appearance but it is more painful when you get judged by your own family member.Unfortunately I had to feel that pain when I was in the 1st grade, proximately 6 or 7 years old.My grandma used to live with us.She was kind of a classy woman and of 60s. I wasn't that close to her at that time, because she didn't love me much. She used to give priority to my sis and my twin brother but not me.I don't know why but I could feel that she was too obsessed with her other grand children rather than me.It hurts me still now. But she's no more alive,I miss her anyway....
Okay so when I was 6 or 7. I used to wear half pants and boyish tops, I even had a bob hair cut. I was clearly a tomboy. I wasn't cute. I was skinny,
My grandma, one day called me to her room, I clearly remember, I was standing in front of her almira and the mirror, My younger cousin sister Anika,she was there with me.She was a pretty girl and used to wear all printed clothes and her hairs always stay in the right place.Still now, she's a pretty girlish teen and so graceful. I'm fond of her :)
So yeah she used to be completely opposite to me.We used to laugh, fight, play,get jealous of each other so many times. But we had a special bond,she was younger than me but we used to hangout like friends.
Okay, so when I was at my grandma's room, I was wearing my boyish clothes.My grandma, she looked disgusted at me and said to me "What the hell are you wearing?You look like a shabby girl from the street"
My half pants had a special design on the bottom, It was all curvy and a little bit loose.lol.
She told me that it looked like it was torn up.I was surprised, The lady got no clue about Fashion!!
I was controlling my tears, I used to be a crybaby by the way:/ She was there,humiliating me and Anika was there listening to all that crap.The worst part was when she pointed out Anika as a bright example to me. She told me to wear frocks like her, she scolded me for being who I really am.That hurts me still. I am so stupid that I took her words to my heart,whenever I remember about her disgusted look towards me that day I soak my pillow with tears,I can't forget the pain.I just can't.If that makes me a stupid person then let me be.
I was a little girl, I had no idea about style or what would make me look pretty. I wore things that are comfortable and after all home is where you can look and feel ugly and enjoy it.;)
In our society, right since a girl is born in a family, she is taught to "Adjust" She has to fit in,she has to go by the rules, and sometimes she has to hide her pain for years and years.But she should feel free to express her thoughts and be herself without getting judged and humiliated.She should get welcomed to the family warmly.She should be loved by her grandma equally like her all brothers and sisters.She should get appreciations.She should feel that she's special.
My grandma wasn't finished with her speech.But my eyes were getting blurry, I couldn't hold my tears for that long so as soon as she stopped for a moment, I rushed to mother's room where she was watching tv. At that very moment,I felt that she was the only person who would accept me for who I am,no matter what.
I dived into the pillow like a Bengali Cinema Heroin and burst into tears.My face was hardly seen.
My mother, she got curios and typically asked me what happened.I told her about how my grandma made me down.She took me to my grandma's room. I was hoping for an apology.
But instead of that, My grandma got angry on me and my mother for being this stupid. She scolded my mother why she makes me wear all boyish clothes.My grand Father who got home just then,defended me.My mother also said that I had allergies on my skin,so I rather wear pants than skirts or frocks....But in the end, I was scolded for crying;my grandma didn't change her mind.She didn't even melt.
All I wanted was a little affection from her, but all I saw was she was mean to me. It's just one of the childhood sad stories I described up here.That still hurts me.It may seem a little stupid, but that little incident made a big impact on me.I love my grandma. I forgave her long ago.Considering that she was way older than me and her thoughts used to be old style.She had experienced more than me and she was taught to be all graceful and covered up in saries and married off at ten.She had different issues than me.
But it hurts that I couldn't get close to her because of my imperfections.
I didn't understand what a girl should be like or what society expects from her. I just understood what affection is, and who are the persons that love you purely even at your worst times.
My grandma died when I was stepping up to my teenage years.
I still don't like girly clothes or Salwar Kamiz and honestly I don't know how to handle "ORNA" or "Saaries" But I learned to be myself, I learned how to ignore judgmental people. I wonder, if my grandma were alive up til now, what would she think of me? Would she advise me to be like Anika? Would she be proud of me? Well that's something I'm not sure about.But I know that wherever she is right now, is complaining to Allah - " What am I gonna do with this stupid girl!!?"
“All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't.”
-Marilyn Monroe
I don't blend in that much.
I don't have much confidence,sometimes I'm insecure, and words hit me than anything else.
I looooooove reading Marilyn Monroe quotes, I've not even watched any of her films yet,but her words inspire me like crazy.
When I was a little girl, I always dreamed to live in a big house with my parents,barbie dolls, toys and wear all beautiful dresses and stuff like that.But as I was growing up, I realized that things aren't that easy.Society has it's way of shattering you and your dreams. I was never told I was pretty, whereas I saw other pretty girls treated fairly before me which was offensive.I was a girl too. I had feelings, I deserved to feel special.But everyone would judge you by your face,the clothes that you wear, and all that.
Why am I so obsessed about this stupid judgements that society makes? Because I have a story behind it.
It's painful when other people judge you by your appearance but it is more painful when you get judged by your own family member.Unfortunately I had to feel that pain when I was in the 1st grade, proximately 6 or 7 years old.My grandma used to live with us.She was kind of a classy woman and of 60s. I wasn't that close to her at that time, because she didn't love me much. She used to give priority to my sis and my twin brother but not me.I don't know why but I could feel that she was too obsessed with her other grand children rather than me.It hurts me still now. But she's no more alive,I miss her anyway....
Okay so when I was 6 or 7. I used to wear half pants and boyish tops, I even had a bob hair cut. I was clearly a tomboy. I wasn't cute. I was skinny,
My grandma, one day called me to her room, I clearly remember, I was standing in front of her almira and the mirror, My younger cousin sister Anika,she was there with me.She was a pretty girl and used to wear all printed clothes and her hairs always stay in the right place.Still now, she's a pretty girlish teen and so graceful. I'm fond of her :)
So yeah she used to be completely opposite to me.We used to laugh, fight, play,get jealous of each other so many times. But we had a special bond,she was younger than me but we used to hangout like friends.
Okay, so when I was at my grandma's room, I was wearing my boyish clothes.My grandma, she looked disgusted at me and said to me "What the hell are you wearing?You look like a shabby girl from the street"
My half pants had a special design on the bottom, It was all curvy and a little bit loose.lol.
She told me that it looked like it was torn up.I was surprised, The lady got no clue about Fashion!!
I was controlling my tears, I used to be a crybaby by the way:/ She was there,humiliating me and Anika was there listening to all that crap.The worst part was when she pointed out Anika as a bright example to me. She told me to wear frocks like her, she scolded me for being who I really am.That hurts me still. I am so stupid that I took her words to my heart,whenever I remember about her disgusted look towards me that day I soak my pillow with tears,I can't forget the pain.I just can't.If that makes me a stupid person then let me be.
I was a little girl, I had no idea about style or what would make me look pretty. I wore things that are comfortable and after all home is where you can look and feel ugly and enjoy it.;)
In our society, right since a girl is born in a family, she is taught to "Adjust" She has to fit in,she has to go by the rules, and sometimes she has to hide her pain for years and years.But she should feel free to express her thoughts and be herself without getting judged and humiliated.She should get welcomed to the family warmly.She should be loved by her grandma equally like her all brothers and sisters.She should get appreciations.She should feel that she's special.
My grandma wasn't finished with her speech.But my eyes were getting blurry, I couldn't hold my tears for that long so as soon as she stopped for a moment, I rushed to mother's room where she was watching tv. At that very moment,I felt that she was the only person who would accept me for who I am,no matter what.
I dived into the pillow like a Bengali Cinema Heroin and burst into tears.My face was hardly seen.
My mother, she got curios and typically asked me what happened.I told her about how my grandma made me down.She took me to my grandma's room. I was hoping for an apology.
But instead of that, My grandma got angry on me and my mother for being this stupid. She scolded my mother why she makes me wear all boyish clothes.My grand Father who got home just then,defended me.My mother also said that I had allergies on my skin,so I rather wear pants than skirts or frocks....But in the end, I was scolded for crying;my grandma didn't change her mind.She didn't even melt.
All I wanted was a little affection from her, but all I saw was she was mean to me. It's just one of the childhood sad stories I described up here.That still hurts me.It may seem a little stupid, but that little incident made a big impact on me.I love my grandma. I forgave her long ago.Considering that she was way older than me and her thoughts used to be old style.She had experienced more than me and she was taught to be all graceful and covered up in saries and married off at ten.She had different issues than me.
But it hurts that I couldn't get close to her because of my imperfections.
I didn't understand what a girl should be like or what society expects from her. I just understood what affection is, and who are the persons that love you purely even at your worst times.
My grandma died when I was stepping up to my teenage years.
I still don't like girly clothes or Salwar Kamiz and honestly I don't know how to handle "ORNA" or "Saaries" But I learned to be myself, I learned how to ignore judgmental people. I wonder, if my grandma were alive up til now, what would she think of me? Would she advise me to be like Anika? Would she be proud of me? Well that's something I'm not sure about.But I know that wherever she is right now, is complaining to Allah - " What am I gonna do with this stupid girl!!?"
“All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't.”
-Marilyn Monroe
Comments
Post a Comment