Everly

I find myself being scared when good times come. The fear is something bad is going to happen when I am happy. It is a trauma response as I have spent too much time thinking I am undeserving of all the finest things life has to offer. Instead of being truly happy and excited when good things are coming my way, I start to mute it down with the fear of jinxing it. What I have to make myself believe is that; what yours will find its way to you by hook or by crook. It’s your choice to either welcome it with an open heart or be in constant vigilance.

I’m at work right now. Don’t have any tasks at hand. My mind has been wondering elsewhere for that very reason. Laziness is not my friend as I am an over thinker.  Yesterday saw a reel on instagram where this famous philosopher said, we often times find ourself feeling negative emotions due to self centered attitude and also we take situations as it appear to us. Nothing is as it appears. It made sense to me as I seem to have this tendency to take things negatively at first. Nothing comes to me in simple manner.  I am getting married in almost 2 months and not a day goes by without me hyperventilating. I understand that love is something we have to work for; it is not always going to free flow. Happy ending is not marriage. Infact, actual hardship comes after marriage. I believe in us, I truly do. However, somedays I find myself wondering if love is enough. I get critical on days he doesn’t text much or call. Our long distance actually survives on these texts/calls so it bothe...