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 Dear B, 

I have been doing okay. However, I do find myself sleeping a lot. 

I realized that everyone's life is a little fucked up. So I actually feel grateful for whatever I have. I am very blessed for the love and care I get every single day and honestly some days I wonder what I did to deserve it. 

I grew up in a family where love wasn't recognized directly. It was maybe expressed in indirect actions,  such as cut out fruits on the table or simply just living every day life together as a family. 

Now, I hear I love yous everyday, I get hugs on demand, cuddles, share my frustrations. It is different and feels very nice. 

I am not saying the love I received from my family is any less but it got polluted with lack of boundaries, screaming and shouting at each other, and indirectness.

My parents did what they could and I don't have any grudge against them. I have all the resources to me now to heal and improve on the person I am today. 

My life is not nearly perfect but it is not something I would take for granted. All is missing is my employment and I believe that is fixable and I will get a job that I would love to wakeup for. 

Meantime, I just have to stay calm and focus on improving myself. 



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