Skip to main content
day 60

I miss him so much. In a good way. Not like in a desperate way.

I miss him knowing that after this crisis ends, we are gonna meet each other again. I believe that. Even if he finds someone to hang out with. I'll be there. I don't care if we are not gonna end up being together. I am open to whatever possibilities we have, even the thinnest ones. I miss his face. I miss his beard. I miss everything about him. The time he rubbed off lipstick stains from my face with his hands. The time he kissed my stomach. The time he held my waist. His teeth on my neck. I cherish every moment of us being together. It was not much, it was just couple of hours if I sum it all. We didn't get much time, it was so short and sweet and I am happy it happened. I am happy he was my first kiss. I like him, and even if we don't love each other enough or know each other enough, I still wanna be with him. Even the day, when he would get married to somebody else, I will be happy for him. Cause I accepted the fact that, this was supposed to be a fling for us. And it still is, and I like the fact that there is no break ups, or heart breaks, because it's just a fling, It is not a relationship, it doesn't have any label, we are two individuals free to do whatever we want with ourselves, and I love that.

Even if we don't talk much anymore, even if I would wait for his name to pop up my screen, even if we are dealing with quarantine alone, not talking to each other much about deeper issues, I still like him and I still know he is there, and I am here and after all this sadness and confusing times, we will meet again and we will catch up and I am looking forward to that.

It's one of those hopeful days. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more

v day

 I am in luteal phase and everything my husband doing is irritating me.  It is all scientific I know but still everything is so annoying and I just wanted pizza. He ordered biryani.  I wanted to go on a date on valentines day. He brought me flowers, which was sweet but he forgot to book the restaurant and we ended up going costco instead. I just feel like I am wasting my best years on him. Is it normal to feel like that. We are almost 2 years into our married life and I already miss our initial chemistry. I feel like we are being like an old married couple. It shouldn't feel like that, right? I mean, it is still new; we aren't that old yet.  I feel so bored honestly, and disappointed.  Again, this could be because of my luteal phase.  I am sad too.  I wish, he made a little more effort to make me feel special. Make me feel deserving. I wish I didn't dress up to do our groceries on Valentines day. 
Post a Comment
Read more

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more