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Dear Self,
Stop romanticizing things. Your life is not a freaking Rom-Com Movie. No man is gonna call you 3 in the morning, asking 'BABE You okay? I missed you. I love you. After this quarantine thing's gonna be over, I am gonna hug you so tight, you're gonna be out of breath."

Darling, life is not gonna be juicy. You can't script out somebody's lines, you can't be the director of this, you can't freaking control somebody from afar like a puppeteer. Why you ask? You should stop watching Netflix that's what you should do. I am prescribing you- GET TO WORK, bitch. Work on your resume. Start applying for jobs.

You do realize after the quarantine, you're on your own, right? You have a life to start. You are an adult, you will be exposed to learning tremendous things, handle rejections, cry to criticisms, face failures, work like a dog, take care of your loving family?

Sweetheart. Stop waiting on that man to call you, just for a fucking distraction. Stop fantasizing sex with him. You're not gonna do it. Promise? Don't do it. He is not the right person. Stop getting romantically involved in those dumb sexual conversations you have with him. Seriously, when will you have some respect for yourself? You don't want this, You know it. In your heart, you know the only person you're gonna sleep with, is gonna be the person who you love and who equally loves you and respects you and is married to you. I know being stuck at home for uncertain time is not fun. Lazy brain is a shitload of dumb ideas.

For fuck's sake.
Stop romanticizing everything he does. Stop it already. He is probably there in his house, in his bed, peacefully sleeping, not missing you, not even thinking of calling you, and you're here, thinking you need him.
Girl, listen to this carefully, YOU NEED NOBODY.

Everybody dies alone. Everybody dies Alone. Be comfortable with death. Romanticize death. Seriously, isn't it wonderful how short life is. How beautifully it transitions. Gives us hopes and then crushes it. People are dead and gone forever, forever. Until you die, you won't understand what forever actually means. What does this actually imply.

My point is babe, your life, you have to figure out yourself. Think of the consequences. This guy doesn't see himself falling for you. When you can say it to his face, you can. You can love him, You can give him all the love but he will only take it and take it and leave you feeling like an empty vessel. You don't want that. You wanna be with someone, who only will amplify the love you give.

You opened your heart for this guy and that's brave. But it is also foolish. You are following a pattern to only a toxic relationship, funny how you can't even call it a relationship because you two are not consistent. Don't you see, dumb girl, this thing you have with him, is out of fear of ending up alone. Out of lack of choices in men in your life? Out of lack of exposure to real practical world? You'll find someone, just hang in there. Just forget this one. Count him as an experience. Don't make out with him again. For fuck's sake, will you stop replaying the kissing in your head? I get that you're horny, but bitch you have to focus.

From today, you will work. You will be productive. Unromantic. Maybe romantic to yourself. But not to the man okay? Forget him. Now is the time. Please. Save yourself the hurt. Control your impulsiveness and be a good girl.


I love you and I am here for you.

Signed
Your Subconscious.
x











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