Skip to main content
day 43

I have to learn to handle rejections. Instead of getting demotivated, I should get motivated to try harder. I had been rejected of the two internship offers already and one of it had a strength assessment test which I just got the feedback from. And it said, I have to learn to handle constructive criticism and also that I may have a lack of confidence in me and that I may have a tendency understate my achievements.

I am gonna have more rejections in the future, given that I have lack of experience. I have to be strong and persevere through it all. It doesn't help staying at home all day, I should find something to do that stimulates my mind. Wasting my energy on movies and sleeping are not gonna get me jobs.

Self caring is a complex subject to be honest. It is when you accept your imperfections yet you strive for a growth. You have to make sure you're healthy, by eating healthy, do exercise, correct amount of sleep, let go of toxic relations, find your core self, work harder on yourself to improve yourself. That's not gonna happen with loving yourself. It contradicts. Like if you love yourself the way you are, you are not initiating a change. You are staying in a confined box of your own perception that you're great, you don't need any behavioral correction.

I do feel I need to change some patterns in me. My obsessiveness with almost everything that gives me a little bit of validation, my addiction to sleeping to run away from problems, my tendency to skip uncomfortable conversations, my tendency to let people overstep my boundaries, my tendency to take criticism poorly and my tendency to not being able to say NO to things I shouldn't even consider for a second.

I have to work on being a responsible human being as well. I am not so good at responsibilities. I have to be proactive and have to have a brush up of self confidence.

Self care- is not hot bath and scented candles. It is accepting that you have imperfections and working on things that stimulates growth. It is much more complex than it is displayed on social media with bubble baths and sort. It is not pretty. It is quite messy and takes persistence and deeper acknowledgement of one's true self.

I am not ready to fall in love with another being yet, I am still a work in progress. I have so much issues to sort out first. And when I fall in love, I divert my energy from myself. I am 24, this is a prime time to focus on myself only. I can't give my 100 percent to someone even if I wish to. I have to understand that.

I am trying to brainwash my mind, by myself which is kinda funny. Hey yo, thick head. Read this post again and stop thinking all the irrational things you wanna do with him. He is not gonna call you back, this is not the time to think about having no strings attached, this is the time to build your career. So focus, you whore.
Right man will come to you, the right time, when you're also ready.

Sincerely,
your rather more logical part of the brain.







Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...

v day

 I am in luteal phase and everything my husband doing is irritating me.  It is all scientific I know but still everything is so annoying and I just wanted pizza. He ordered biryani.  I wanted to go on a date on valentines day. He brought me flowers, which was sweet but he forgot to book the restaurant and we ended up going costco instead. I just feel like I am wasting my best years on him. Is it normal to feel like that. We are almost 2 years into our married life and I already miss our initial chemistry. I feel like we are being like an old married couple. It shouldn't feel like that, right? I mean, it is still new; we aren't that old yet.  I feel so bored honestly, and disappointed.  Again, this could be because of my luteal phase.  I am sad too.  I wish, he made a little more effort to make me feel special. Make me feel deserving. I wish I didn't dress up to do our groceries on Valentines day. 

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...