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Dear God
If you exist
You have seen me at my worst
You have seen my desperation
You have listened my frustrations.
All this time I have cried to you relentlessly hoping for things to improve .
The night occurres and it scares me to death. All these little fears wind up and conspire against me
I do nothing but cry like a 5 year old me used to.
If you exist you know how I have been. What shaped me, what brought me here.
I don't know if I can go anymore. I don't know if I can walk the path you have decided for me.
I don't know if it is possible, making a shortcut. To an ambiguity .
If you are up there, why is this torture. Why is this normal average life that has no meaning, no significance to my being? Why do I have to live it?
I don't know how you think, rationally or more emotionally or you even need to think at all.
You are the only person I have been complete candid with. There is no other existence in this world I have opened up to this much.
Am I always in search for more pain?
What do I do with this urge to dissapear? Forever. From everyone and everything?
If you exist don't let me die before I actually do.



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