After a lump sum amount of time spent in self-loathing and being terrified of being single at the age of 22(Turning in about 3 days) I opened Tinder again, and to my own surprise I found two matches!
How this self-loathing, insecure creature become a chanova online, how and like really how?
I ended up chatting with both the guys. So Let's nickname them something shall we?
Guy number A whom I totally swiped like at first seeing the picture, he was kind of handsome. But I didn't read his bio. I must have swiped it too fast. Let's call him Demon.
Guy number B, I swiped it just because I liked his smile. I read his bio, he studies in a private university, doing his internship, just a year older than me.Let's call him Stefan.
Both are pretty close by as it showed, like 3/ a mile away from me.
Demon knocked me first and he was being sarcastic all over, and I kind of liked him. Until I checked his bio- he's married, has kids, looking for some side action. My eyes just didn't go any further than that, I stopped, told him maybe I have swiped the wrong person, you're married. He said, this is what happens when you don't finish something you start. I didn't get it because I was busy chatting with Stefan then.
Stefan is cute, productive, the decent kind. All we chatted about was the nicer things. It was a clean chat and I was enjoying it though, I felt like he could be the guy for me, because he was just too nice with me. But there were forced humor involved. He wasn't sarcastic much. He was just too nice and we had conversations about relationships, life in general til 4.30 when he bade me goodbye but I was sleepless due to my afternoon nap.
That's when the chaos took place. I started to stalk Demon's profile. The last chat he sent me then was a bit flirty but I didn't reply...I looked into his bio again, only this time I read it full. He is from buet. and he isn't married. I'll tell you what was written on it...
Married. Couple of kids. Looking for some side action. Just kidding. Single. one kitty. one siri.
Here looking for tinderella to return her lost shoe. If your right foot is kind and has a good sense of humor, the shoe will probably fit.
I felt sad how lazy and dumb I am. Now I could connect the dots. I didn't finish what I started. Also he said if I liked humor. That was humor. GEEZ. I knocked him then, it was 5 in the morning and I apologized for falling asleep. Oddly may it sound, he replied in a min and we kept chatting, then one thing led to another we added each other on snapchat only I didn't use my real account and he kind of got upset by that and used humor again as a defense mechanism. He kept asking for my real account and I kept dissing him still because to me he was still some random guy I met on the internet, chatted for couple of hours. For him to believe I am not some weird old bald guy I snapped him my selfie. And there's so much more, I wish I could write in detail because I enjoyed everything about the chat, it got my adrenaline rushing; maybe it is because of my period or I found him very witty.
When he bade me goodbye, from his snapchat, I took down his name and searched him on facebook. There he was. Founder of an org, lives in cali (he must've come here for vacation or sth), from the pictures I could say, he was short. I don't think I am shorter than him tho. Oddly enough, I kept stalking him, his elder brother/colleague is hotter than him and oh shoot. What have I got myself into?
It should be nothing, we just chatted right? And he was being mean, kind of making fun of me and why in the hell did I fall for that?
I was candid with Demon because I thought I had nothing to lose when I was chatting with him. But now I know he is a CTO of something( I don't want to mention the organization here for privacy concerns) and that kind of gives him the upper hand. He is 25 and a should-be-potential in the eye of my parents. If I end up dating him, it wouldn't be bad. But the question is, is he interested in me? What if this ends right after he sees my facebook? How dull my life is compared to his? Why does this things happen with me? I shouldn't have knocked him at 5, the mayhem started then. I should have stuck with Stefan, who is totally the opposite version of him.
Stefan may add me on messenger but I feel guilty now. Was I two-timing? This is the downside of being single all my life, I don't have a clue if I am flirting or not. But it wasn't anything, we all were just two strangers chatting online. There was nothing happening. And in tinder, having options beneath your thumb doesn't actually make it a safe place for relationships, they must have been talking with other random girls too while hitting me up...
I am so delusional and obsessive, I should get a life....It's probably gonna turn into a nothing again. But I am kind of into both of them now. Maybe into Demon more but he is full of himself and playful. I just don't know if he wants anything serious.
I better just wait until my period ends, before coming to any decisions. My hormones are making me crazy.
How this self-loathing, insecure creature become a chanova online, how and like really how?
I ended up chatting with both the guys. So Let's nickname them something shall we?
Guy number A whom I totally swiped like at first seeing the picture, he was kind of handsome. But I didn't read his bio. I must have swiped it too fast. Let's call him Demon.
Guy number B, I swiped it just because I liked his smile. I read his bio, he studies in a private university, doing his internship, just a year older than me.Let's call him Stefan.
Both are pretty close by as it showed, like 3/ a mile away from me.
Demon knocked me first and he was being sarcastic all over, and I kind of liked him. Until I checked his bio- he's married, has kids, looking for some side action. My eyes just didn't go any further than that, I stopped, told him maybe I have swiped the wrong person, you're married. He said, this is what happens when you don't finish something you start. I didn't get it because I was busy chatting with Stefan then.
Stefan is cute, productive, the decent kind. All we chatted about was the nicer things. It was a clean chat and I was enjoying it though, I felt like he could be the guy for me, because he was just too nice with me. But there were forced humor involved. He wasn't sarcastic much. He was just too nice and we had conversations about relationships, life in general til 4.30 when he bade me goodbye but I was sleepless due to my afternoon nap.
That's when the chaos took place. I started to stalk Demon's profile. The last chat he sent me then was a bit flirty but I didn't reply...I looked into his bio again, only this time I read it full. He is from buet. and he isn't married. I'll tell you what was written on it...
Married. Couple of kids. Looking for some side action. Just kidding. Single. one kitty. one siri.
Here looking for tinderella to return her lost shoe. If your right foot is kind and has a good sense of humor, the shoe will probably fit.
I felt sad how lazy and dumb I am. Now I could connect the dots. I didn't finish what I started. Also he said if I liked humor. That was humor. GEEZ. I knocked him then, it was 5 in the morning and I apologized for falling asleep. Oddly may it sound, he replied in a min and we kept chatting, then one thing led to another we added each other on snapchat only I didn't use my real account and he kind of got upset by that and used humor again as a defense mechanism. He kept asking for my real account and I kept dissing him still because to me he was still some random guy I met on the internet, chatted for couple of hours. For him to believe I am not some weird old bald guy I snapped him my selfie. And there's so much more, I wish I could write in detail because I enjoyed everything about the chat, it got my adrenaline rushing; maybe it is because of my period or I found him very witty.
When he bade me goodbye, from his snapchat, I took down his name and searched him on facebook. There he was. Founder of an org, lives in cali (he must've come here for vacation or sth), from the pictures I could say, he was short. I don't think I am shorter than him tho. Oddly enough, I kept stalking him, his elder brother/colleague is hotter than him and oh shoot. What have I got myself into?
It should be nothing, we just chatted right? And he was being mean, kind of making fun of me and why in the hell did I fall for that?
I was candid with Demon because I thought I had nothing to lose when I was chatting with him. But now I know he is a CTO of something( I don't want to mention the organization here for privacy concerns) and that kind of gives him the upper hand. He is 25 and a should-be-potential in the eye of my parents. If I end up dating him, it wouldn't be bad. But the question is, is he interested in me? What if this ends right after he sees my facebook? How dull my life is compared to his? Why does this things happen with me? I shouldn't have knocked him at 5, the mayhem started then. I should have stuck with Stefan, who is totally the opposite version of him.
Stefan may add me on messenger but I feel guilty now. Was I two-timing? This is the downside of being single all my life, I don't have a clue if I am flirting or not. But it wasn't anything, we all were just two strangers chatting online. There was nothing happening. And in tinder, having options beneath your thumb doesn't actually make it a safe place for relationships, they must have been talking with other random girls too while hitting me up...
I am so delusional and obsessive, I should get a life....It's probably gonna turn into a nothing again. But I am kind of into both of them now. Maybe into Demon more but he is full of himself and playful. I just don't know if he wants anything serious.
I better just wait until my period ends, before coming to any decisions. My hormones are making me crazy.
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