Already Gone - Sleeping At Last

I found this song on his like list....I stared at his name on his profile. While this was still playing in my headphones...Crazy beautiful...
What is he doing to me.
What am I doing to myself.
Shit. I figured it out. I figured it all out. I am in love with this man. And it only going to get worse.
My heart ached since yesterday, I bade him goodbye and it ached to see him one more time. I don't wanna sound so..poetic and silly. But trust me...whatever I am feeling right now. Can't be just a crush.
It's been almost eight months! A crush cannot stay that long.
I freaking love that man. And everything about him. Even the things I hate, I love. I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't control this emotions....This song...
Just made it worse.
Why in the hell had to stalk his soundcloud profile??? Why --ugh
I can't. I have to get myself together. It only gonna wreck me if I don't. It is never meant to be. We don't belong...
But I love him. I can't control it. Just
I feel like I am failing to keep it together.
I am a total blunder failure.
I LOVE HIM.
So much that I can hide it no more.But I have to. Somehow. And it is such. A. Pain. in the ass.

Comments

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...

v day

I am in luteal phase and everything my husband doing is irritating me. It is all scientific I know but still everything is so annoying and I just wanted pizza. He ordered biryani. I wanted to go on a date on valentines day. He brought me flowers, which was sweet but he forgot to book the restaurant and we ended up going costco instead. I just feel like I am wasting my best years on him. Is it normal to feel like that. We are almost 2 years into our married life and I already miss our initial chemistry. I feel like we are being like an old married couple. It shouldn't feel like that, right? I mean, it is still new; we aren't that old yet. I feel so bored honestly, and disappointed. Again, this could be because of my luteal phase. I am sad too. I wish, he made a little more effort to make me feel special. Make me feel deserving. I wish I didn't dress up to do our groceries on Valentines day.

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B, I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...

Everly

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