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Oh my god. So this is actually happening. I am turning 20 today and from now on I am no longer to be called a teenager. That sucks. I haven't accomplished anything yet. Looking at my life now, I am quite unhappy.

Whatever. Age is just a number. I am mentally sixteen, dependent, don't have a job yet, haven't traveled rest of the world yet, haven't been in a relationship and oh my god. I don't know how to drive. how to swim. Never rode an airplane. My life's been so pointless. I haven't even done anything for anyone. Am I still going to be like this next year? Or this is what my life would look like til I die. No. I am sorry I know this is depressing, I shouldn't say these things.

I am 20. I am alive. I am thankful. For everything. My family. My old friends. My new friends. Thank you Allah.

I realized I don't have anyone who could loathe me you know. Say that "I knew that girl. She's a complete bitch." Everyone thinks I am so nice. Which is nice. But you know, sometimes you're your own critique. I get really shocked when people say nice things about me. It really gets me like, DO I deserve that? Yeah  I know, stupid thought. Very people would say bad things to your face. But seriously sometimes I feel like I don't deserve all these compliments. Like when I am told I am pretty, I have a cute smile, I don't really believe it and make a face that the person who is complimenting me will never dare to compliment again. I get shy you can say. I don't believe I am that pretty to be told. Tell me I am smart. I'll be super happy.

So basically birthday wishes are making me awkward. People are telling me I am nice and stuff. I am not enjoying it. Oh and tomorrow, my mom has decided to celebrate my birthday. My cousins are coming and I invited turtle dove, she said she will come too. Tomorrow's gonna be amazing. I really want it to be amazing. 









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