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I am not a perfectionist, I wish I were tho. My expectations aren't set high. I am always struggling average in life. I don't know, I just don't care enough to be perfect. I get humbled easily by people around me. I want everybody to be happy and in good terms with me. That is why I don't have any enemies, I don't have any exciting revenge story. I am kind of delusional.

And this world isn't fair come on! They say, freedom is a state of mind, I know that but what about the barriers that the society is creating in certain countries and religion, like mine? And I know, there's still people who abandon these rules and live a bad-ass life but what about those who can't only because they put their family up first. What about those whose parents are not willing to adapt with the changes their child want to make in their life?

I've been mostly unhappy with the position I'm in. I've always felt like I am imprisoned. I've wanted to show off skin, wear smart clothes, color my hair, feel like a woman. Now it won't work on me with the saying- "Covering your body with decent clothes do not make you less of a woman, rather it womanizes you." I get that, it is holy, it is decent. And I believe there's ways to be decent with showing some skin as well. Like what's wrong with open neck tops? I don't get why I am not allowed to wear crop tops with ripped jeans and without any scarf. I don't feel comfort in wearing scarf all the time, it's like hiding your identity as a woman, you have boobs, just accept it already. What's wrong with  showing some legs, like seriously. Okay now don't claim the rape incidents happening around the world. Rape is accident. And accidents happen whether or not you initiate it.

Now about having an affair in my society. What's wrong with having someone who would love you, make you feel like a woman, give you attention, boost your confidence up and compliment you on things. Is it so mortifying to lose virginity before marriage as well? I mean marriage is just an official of losing virginity, don't you think it's better keeping it unofficial? Western kind of belief I know. Blame the global world. I just I don't know, these days I just want to get out of this system, live life adventurously, know what I don't know. I feel like I have been hold back from the awesome things and pushed back to the boring end of life. And before you know, your life will be over. How cruel is that, when rest of the world has a choice and I don't. Because I am included in a conservative fucked up society. Where there's no fun. Where the after-life promises the fun but you have to be pure and pious and then die to get there. I mean. Okay. Wow. I want to run away. Please.




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