Everly

The weather is PURR-FECT today. It's been raining the whole morning. Oh the sound and fresh smell just got me like...really in a nice mood. Anyway. It's been one hell of a sick week. Brutal. I had to give two presentation yesterday, skipped the quiz because I couldn't take it anymore. And how'd I do? It was so embarrassing. I don't wanna talk about it please. All that matters now is they are over for the semester. And my birthday is coming up this Monday, I am turning 20. Wow. A big step to adulthood. I hate that I wouldn't be an adolescent anymore. I will be an adult pretty soon. No excuse. No childish excuses. Mature. Ladylike 20. That is crazy. I basically want to stay 19 my whole life. I love staying teen. I hate that next year I'll be 21. Time is moving so fast. Oh my god. Please stop before I turn 30. So tomorrow, I am buying a new phone. My old phone sucks. I've been using it for 3 years now, I am so in need of a new phone so I somehow manage...

So my grandma left last week for her flight to Seattle, she is going to stay at her son's place couple of months. Sometimes, I feel like. NO she is not left behind. Everybody in her family cares for her. NO she has place to stay, she has plenty of places to stay. Dhaka, New jersey, Canada, Seattle, Dallas, London. Her children are taking care of her. There's no point in feeling sorry for this old lady, rather I feel annoyed sometimes. When she says she likes it here. Out of all the cool places she's been. She likes Dhaka. She likes our chaotic, Dhaka. She likes to stay at our place, which I think is too small for her because she has to share a room with her grand-daughter. I don't know it's just last week and it is giving me a feeling like she's never been here. Like it's so normal for her to leave. I don't feel a thing. I don't have any feelings. I think she knows that. Because when my siblings were hugging her goodbye, she gave kisses to each ch...

The question is. Why am I here, when I have like thousand things to do and achieve within a week. Not even kidding. Next week, it is going to be brutal. I have a final 8 min presentation due next monday, for which I haven't even prepared the slides, have two final quizzes which I cannot afford to mess up, have to write a response paper, and before that I have to select two articles and also, I have to write one final article. Then oh I have also another presentation to prepare for in the midst of this. Then, FINALS. The pressure is on! Damn. I don't know why I am telling you all this, seriously. I have been telling myself since I got home from uni- "You need to get started!" But I haven't started yet at all...It's just so much!

The youth of our country, either making lame videos on youtube or leaving for abroad. And I am stuck in here watching those videos, feeling like if I had the money to buy a pro camera, I would show how it is done, how to shoot amazing fun videos without filling the content with lame jokes. Literally.

 Note to self. STOP BEING SO USELESS.

I am not a perfectionist, I wish I were tho. My expectations aren't set high. I am always struggling average in life. I don't know, I just don't care enough to be perfect. I get humbled easily by people around me. I want everybody to be happy and in good terms with me. That is why I don't have any enemies, I don't have any exciting revenge story. I am kind of delusional. And this world isn't fair come on! They say, freedom is a state of mind, I know that but what about the barriers that the society is creating in certain countries and religion, like mine? And I know, there's still people who abandon these rules and live a bad-ass life but what about those who can't only because they put their family up first. What about those whose parents are not willing to adapt with the changes their child want to make in their life? I've been mostly unhappy with the position I'm in. I've always felt like I am imprisoned. I've wanted to show off s...

Umm...What can I say. It all started last night. I was surfing youtube typically as I do and I ended up watching too much The Bachelor in Paradise, And it's a couple reality tv show; so much drama involved. Oh my gosh, you have no fucking idea, I spent whole night watching it. Today I went to university sleep deprived, all I could think about in the class was, get back home and finish the rest of the episodes. Gosh I've got so invested in this. I should stop but I can't, tomorrow I have a presentation and thinking about it gives me butterflies so I just take my mind off a bit watching these so called hypocritical love shows. But no seriously I should stop. I mean I gotta say watching it actually made me see how love is actually so delusional. And I am an Ashley I. SO there's this girl in the season I am watching, she's 27 years old, literally a child living in adult's body and she almost cries in every freaking episode over a guy named Jared. So he's fr...

Weekend. What a wonderful privilege that is to have it on Thursday. I've been thinking lately. About this blog. I mean, I am pretty much sure nobody reads it.I am not thinking about taking it down, I don't write for people to read it, I write for myself. Whenever I am caught up with my life, I take a moment, I sit and I type. Ridiculous, stupid, thoughtless things, whatever goes in my mind. And then, whenever I feel bored, I go over my old posts. My life isn't eventful I know. But someday it might be. Or might be not. But to have it written somewhere, feels good. And here's what I've been thinking to do with this blog. I will never take it down. Even if it reaches its limit of posts(I am not sure if it has a limit tho). I will keep posting, and posting as long as I live. Even if I lose my interest in this, even if I have better things in life, even if I get busy, I will come back to it. I will record each and every event of life out here. The day I graduate, t...

Currently hanging out with Bua's child, I guess he is 3 years old or sth whatever, I hardly understand what he says staring at my laptop. Annoying little kid. I turned on the tv but he keeps trying to touch my laptop screen. Ugh. And I first thought he was cute. Anyway, so nothing special is happening with my life right now. A guy in our class is trying to flirt with me but hardly has any luck. No you don't know him, I haven't talked about him yet. He complained today that I only say hi to him to say bye. Because that's all we literally say to each other, hi and bye. Whatever. He clearly should understand I am not interested in him, however he fed my ego when he said I looked beautiful.  I don't come here to tell you about these lame things that happen through out the day. Apparently I only have these lame things to talk about at the end of the day. All I do in the uni is attend classes. And after that I come home, freshen up and remember how stupid and boring ...

I don't know, consider me immature but I literally share anything with my parents. And by anything I mean, if I find something strange in my body, let that be a lump in my buttocks, I would definitely tell them about it, and it's not just health concerns. I just came here after hours of gossip with my dad, about celebrities, how things are going on regarding my education, quizzes, things regarding future, career and stuff like that. I feel like it's a cool bond we share. They can be judgmental sometimes, it's not that they're different from any other parents. I feel like people my age, they live a separate life from their parents, they don't sit and talk and share what's going on with their lives and genuinely gossip about their social life, which I so often do. Like all my friends are, I don't think they do much talking with their mom and dad. It's not like I don't have any secrets, I have secrets. I have boundaries, don't worry. My par...