Skip to main content

Dear B, 

2024 is almost to an end and I can't believe how much shit I have endured this year. From quitting a job to moving to a new country, leaving loved ones back home, living with husband, starting a life together to the hardcore reality of unemployment, unplanned pregnancy, the excruciating pain of abortion, feeling the loneliest girl on earth, I endured it all. There is no pain without gain and I believe there will be a day I will look back and be grateful for all the sufferings. For now, I am still questioning, why do I have to go through this. 

I guess I had underestimated how hard it is it start over in a different country. The cultural gap, the communication, and even seeking for relevancy in day to day conversations with people; everything is different. Being a shy girl also doesn't help to mingle with people. Honestly, that has been the biggest obstacle in getting a job here. In Bangladesh, I used to just submit my resume and hope for an interview call. Here, your task doesn't end by submitting a resume with cover letter. You have to get out of your comfort zone and network with people. Even that doesn't secure anything. Getting an interview call is like winning the odds of a lottery ticket. 

There are days where I find myself completely and utterly lost. There are days, I just argue with my husband. There are days we are just sad about our financial situation. However, I chose love above anything and I know this won't be easy. I accepted that it would be hard and I will have to work for it. 

Then again, there are days I am so utterly grateful for the life I have. For having someone who gives me love and affection and someone to wake up next to. Someone to cozy up in a cold cold day watching movies and having warm meal together. Sure, we are living from his paycheque to paycheque but we do find home in each other. I know I wouldn't be able to do this life thing with any other man. 

2025 will be a hustling year and I know the universe will have my back. 

I just have to say yes to being uncomfortable as nothing will come out of staying in my own shell. 

Pray for me, B!

Happy Holidays to you! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more

v day

 I am in luteal phase and everything my husband doing is irritating me.  It is all scientific I know but still everything is so annoying and I just wanted pizza. He ordered biryani.  I wanted to go on a date on valentines day. He brought me flowers, which was sweet but he forgot to book the restaurant and we ended up going costco instead. I just feel like I am wasting my best years on him. Is it normal to feel like that. We are almost 2 years into our married life and I already miss our initial chemistry. I feel like we are being like an old married couple. It shouldn't feel like that, right? I mean, it is still new; we aren't that old yet.  I feel so bored honestly, and disappointed.  Again, this could be because of my luteal phase.  I am sad too.  I wish, he made a little more effort to make me feel special. Make me feel deserving. I wish I didn't dress up to do our groceries on Valentines day. 
Post a Comment
Read more

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more