Everly

  I never felt how love feel. I never felt being loved. All I felt is a shit load of anxiety and the pain of abandonment. I named them love because I thought this is what I deserve. I thought “okay nobody is going to care this much. I am supposed to be grateful that I am    being noticed” Love should not give you this feeling. Love should make you feel safe. Love should make time for you. Love won’t always understand you but will make an effort to be there for you. Love should be the one you trust when the world feels too heavy. Love shouldn’t make you feel you are optional. Love should make you feel you are most important part of their life just like you count love most important part of your life. Love should feel warm. Love should feel happy. Love should feel like the feeling you feel wrapped up in a a comfy blanket during a cold night. Love’s voice should assure you, you’re not alone in this.  No I was never in love. I never had experienced such divine feeling....

Dear B, I am so tired of everything. Suddenly, the thought of not existing seems like an easy way out. I don't know why I am feeling like this. My life is not perfect but it is not bad either. I am well nourished (maybe a little obese), both my parents are alive and healthy alhamdulillah, I have a job, I have people in my life who care about me. Yet I feel so, tired of everything. Living, showering, waking up, working, eating, sleeping, everything. I just again, feel like I don't have a purpose. I am not helping poor people. I am not contributing to research, I am not inventing anything that could help the human kind, I am not smart, I am not intelligent. I have a hard time remembering things. What good am I doing, living? I used to look up to my friends. I used to admire them. These days, I don't feel like meeting them even. I just feel like I have outgrown them or I have all this time, just pretended to be someone so that they accept me.  I do feel for them...When one of ...