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 the best decision that I took last year was unfollowing him. The way that he treated me was so wrong, now I know. Though I wouldn't say, I was all good. I definitely said and did some things that were toxic too. But now that I am with someone, I understand, how much communication is important. How much, sharing your current thoughts, anxiety, feelings and also concerns with that person is important. We often want to come across as the 'peace lover' and ignore messy/difficult conversations just so we could avoid drama. In all honesty, those difficult conversations are what make things functional. Making assumptions about the person in your head instead of confronting him is the silliest mistake, now I know. No matter how silly you sound, confront him about how you're feeling. If he seems understanding and kind toward you, validate what you're feeling, that's great! It's a positive sign. If he humiliates you for how you're feeling or treats your anxiety as a joke- GIRL it is time you say Bye, Felicia. And ghost the shit out of him.

So far for me, it is positive, Well I don't want to think about the future too much. Because future for us, kind of looks different. And it's been such a short time to be judge of someone. I don't know, if I can see myself as a relationship type, though I give my 100 percent when I like someone. And I expect the same. He is not 100 percent, leveled up to me. So I don't know about the timeline he is going to have in my life. Maybe things will be super different, when I'll start my office. I won't have much time to think/obsess about him.


Here's the thing, I am not obsessing over him, rather I am observing him. I think that's a growth for me.

In the past I've been painfully delusional. I don't want to be a silly girl settling for anything. These days, I raise my voice, when things bother me. I know in the past, as a trauma response, I would be super uncomfortable expressing what I want and what is bothering me, but these days, I don't keep myself suffering in silence.


I think I got a long way to go in dating. 


I hope I make it to the good side. 

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