Skip to main content
Dear B
I think, him and I, we are not wired to be together.
I could go on and on about how he is not what I want him to be, but that is not his fault. We are just not the missing puzzles, we are just different pieces and we don't complete each other. And my expectations of him and him failing those expectations should not be something he would account for. The conclusion is- We are not each other's type.

But this quarantine is so difficult. It is making me want to have long deep conversations with him. Tell him I miss him when all I miss, is the normal-ness, the comfort, the security. Talking with him could be my only distraction and that's what I seek.

I know it is all so wrong. He doesn't see himself falling for me. This has no future, nothing at all. Yet  I can't wipe him off my mind. I am trying my best to stop myself getting hurt. But I am failing miserably.

He is not gonna call. Yet I so badly wanna hear him talk.

I am in such a depressing episode. I needed him, but it is just that, he is not the person for me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more

v day

 I am in luteal phase and everything my husband doing is irritating me.  It is all scientific I know but still everything is so annoying and I just wanted pizza. He ordered biryani.  I wanted to go on a date on valentines day. He brought me flowers, which was sweet but he forgot to book the restaurant and we ended up going costco instead. I just feel like I am wasting my best years on him. Is it normal to feel like that. We are almost 2 years into our married life and I already miss our initial chemistry. I feel like we are being like an old married couple. It shouldn't feel like that, right? I mean, it is still new; we aren't that old yet.  I feel so bored honestly, and disappointed.  Again, this could be because of my luteal phase.  I am sad too.  I wish, he made a little more effort to make me feel special. Make me feel deserving. I wish I didn't dress up to do our groceries on Valentines day. 
Post a Comment
Read more

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more