Everly

This is why I need you I feel like people are so sensitive about the person they love. It is like a feeling of superiority. Like the person you love will represent you, the person you love will show other people what sort of person you are. Trust me, most of the people who are in love or in process of love, "What will other people think of us" crosses their minds like hundred times. They make it seem so important, more important than the person they're with. Real life examples. My best friend about the guy she likes. She asked me more than once, "Does it look bad, if I go out with him? ....I mean, he is not that good looking, but he is the most reliable and nicest man I know here."  I didn't know what to say to that.  My cousin, almost every time, validates to me the person she is dating. Her conversation mostly follows with, how committed he is to her, how he is so understandable....I wanted to know, if she is telling these information to me j...

The weather is super gross. I loathe my new class routine. I don't come back home till it's dusk and it is pretty much exhausting. Been only 4 days and I already have a feeling this semester is gonna suck the life out of me. But one thing for sure. I have got inspiring teachers for my two major course. My marketing teacher said she was an introvert for years, but this subject changed her rapidly. I am so inspired by her. How she creates this amazing energy in the class. I feel like I can become anything. My finance course teacher is a sweetheart. He is so calm in the class and speaks in a very soft tone and I can't help but just be giddy in his class. I think I am gonna have a long lasting crush on him. Hope it doesn't mess up my grade. So Fall 2018 begins. I am thrilled. Every semester is a new beginning.  Time to transform and forgive and forget.  Music Guy is so dramatic these days like I can't even. I remember I used to play all giddy around him...

I have felt so needless lately, and so helpless and clueless and all sorts of frustrations. I want to help my father, everything is on his shoulders. Till this day, he never showed how pressurized he is until I found it out this semester, my father is struggling to collect for the fees. He tells me he will manage. But I know. I know he is stressed and I have nothing I can help him with. I feel like a useless piece of shit. I went on a pre planned buffet lunch with my friends yesterday and every second I felt unworthy and I was thinking to myself, why did I choose this, I should be at home, I don't deserve an expensive lunch. I don't deserve to have anything in my life. I didn't know he was having a bit of a crisis until I told him my class is gonna start next week and the payment deadline is within that time. And he was like in shock, and I was broken inside, my heart leaped for a second, I am not a teenie bit worried about the money, I am worried about my father handl...

I read somewhere something like if you send an energy to the universe, it finds its way back to you...It was based on the theory of power of attraction. I didn't believe in it though. But it happened to me many a times now, the people, I secretly liked, say coincidentally or happened to sit beside me in the movie theater, or say stand closer to me, umm just like I was an opposite polarity of a magnet and I was attracting them toward me. I don't know if these mysterious events that took place were the universe's meddling but let's just say I was always given chances that I didn't take when it was brought to me. So basically, I had a breakdown the night before my final last exam, I had B plused all my courses this semester and so I was disappointed in me, and I lost motivation to study for the course and I was like what's the point of it all and I was diving into depression and I ended up sobbing and complaining and brooding over everything.  Side note, T...

Dear I, I know it has been the worst kinda day, maybe you didn't deserve it all. Maybe you did. Either way, let this one go. You will get chances in life, to do better. To serve better. I promise you things can get much worse. But you will have a stronger drive to fight for it, and maybe you will mold into a person much much stronger than you are right now. So don't beat yourself up. The grades don't define how faithful a person you are, how lovable and kind you are. Let this one go and focus on the next. And I know how unbearable the loneliness is. I know how much you crave love and a sense of belonging to someone. You're only human. Being desperate for love and attention do not make you lesser in character. It just states your vulnerability and the fact that you're not empty inside. It is okay, completely, to fall for a person for the wrong reasons in the wrong time. And it is okay, he doesn't love you back and think about you as much. It is okay that he ...

I have been so lazy this semester, like literal no effort kinda lazy. Could have aced them all but now I am hoping for B plus.