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It feels unbelievably liberating that you can be a complete new person to a person you haven't met yet. I know there's still things that make you, you. But still all the personality traits that you were given i.e. SHY, can't make eye contact, INTROVERT. can actually be just myths.If you are able to believe you are charming as hell in the occasions you can flourish yourself...

I know this sounds almost crazy. And weird. And difficult to understand. But I kind of like this guy. We just chat. That's all we do. But I feel butterflies again. Almost feels like a dream. Words always meant something to me. And this guy has a way around words. We haven't heard each other's voice yet but I kind of already like the idea of him...He made me dream again...He made me feel things I missed feeling. And though there's no future in this right now. I just don't want to think about future right now. I don't want to think about the husband my mom is gonna pick in about one and half years. I don't wanna think about breaking his heart or him breaking my heart. All I think about right now, is, he is pretty sweet and cute and I really like him. And it is worth a try. Being lonely has been unbearable. Super unbearable. I don't wanna think about marriage. I don't wanna think about settling down. I am just 22. Let me live a little.

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opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...