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I just got called for a job interview, this is a first. I didn't think anything when I sent my cv, it is for sales position. A very elementary and not so respected job. But I wanted to do it. I wanted to gain some experience on the marketing field. But my father didn't approve of it. And I am not that much inspired now. The interview is tomorrow and I don't think I am going.

I got diagnosed with a probable disease that triggers infertility and other factors like diabetes. Now my depression has a reason. It can happen to anyone. There's always risks associated with every food you intake and the lifestyle you have whether it is healthier, you cannot stop your body clock, it expires every day, every week, every month and every year. The fact that I have something that triggers my reproduction system is so scary because when I imagine my future, the baby is always a constant. I have in my life, been obsessed with children, the way they talk, play, I adore the miraculous creation of life, the joy they bring. My future life would be sadder if I don't get at least one. I mean there's no guarantee. Many women with this disease, have been able to, without even any fertility treatment, so there's hope for me still. But I am scared. What if I don't. What if I just don't.

It's so depressing.

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