Last year, I couldn't bring myself to be optimistic about anything. I thought this is it. I am going to be miserable like this as long as I live. I sobbed every night, didn't feel safe in my own house, I worried myself, lost a pile of hair, got bald in one spot of my scalp. I worried that my brother would never be okay again, he would always have this impractical thoughts and the problems would go on and on forever.
Here's the thing, I still got problems in my life but I am not miserable, I am depressed though, I sleep overly obsessively and since I am on my semester break, I seriously don't find any motive to wake up in the mornings....But one thing is different. I feel like I am gonna be okay. I have this optimism in me now, that whatever happens, I will be able to tackle it. I have it in me. No matter how belittle my parents make me feel at times, I know I am not a wasted space, I can do what I will to, the universe will help me be what I want to...
Being a daughter feels like a borrowed object. A burden that will soon be traded on to somebody in future. My parents no matter how much I am given, will always at the end of the day, make me feel like an excluded part in the family...I don't get enough appreciation if I perform well on my academics, as much if I cook something or accomplish in doing a household work...My mother always lacked the sense of empowerment of women. She never inspired me to better...That's another story for another day.
I am so much used to sexism in our family that when they resonates everything with "Because you're a girl" I don't flinch anymore.
The thing is, I don't feel like harming myself anymore. I feel insignificant to them(my parents), but I don't feel insignificant to me. I know I have something to contribute to others, I know in future I will be ready to give and comfort others and this life won't be insignificant after all.
I want to create a better life for my future generation. And I want to sustain it. I want to give every comfort to my parents that they have given me because the amount of stress they go through for rearing us, is uncountable and I want to repay them.
Look at me, thinking all positive. I am kind of relieved that I pulled myself out that dark phase, I feel like the universe is with me, and that is a powerful feeling, I am grateful.
Here's the thing, I still got problems in my life but I am not miserable, I am depressed though, I sleep overly obsessively and since I am on my semester break, I seriously don't find any motive to wake up in the mornings....But one thing is different. I feel like I am gonna be okay. I have this optimism in me now, that whatever happens, I will be able to tackle it. I have it in me. No matter how belittle my parents make me feel at times, I know I am not a wasted space, I can do what I will to, the universe will help me be what I want to...
Being a daughter feels like a borrowed object. A burden that will soon be traded on to somebody in future. My parents no matter how much I am given, will always at the end of the day, make me feel like an excluded part in the family...I don't get enough appreciation if I perform well on my academics, as much if I cook something or accomplish in doing a household work...My mother always lacked the sense of empowerment of women. She never inspired me to better...That's another story for another day.
I am so much used to sexism in our family that when they resonates everything with "Because you're a girl" I don't flinch anymore.
The thing is, I don't feel like harming myself anymore. I feel insignificant to them(my parents), but I don't feel insignificant to me. I know I have something to contribute to others, I know in future I will be ready to give and comfort others and this life won't be insignificant after all.
I want to create a better life for my future generation. And I want to sustain it. I want to give every comfort to my parents that they have given me because the amount of stress they go through for rearing us, is uncountable and I want to repay them.
Look at me, thinking all positive. I am kind of relieved that I pulled myself out that dark phase, I feel like the universe is with me, and that is a powerful feeling, I am grateful.
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