Everly

Currently? In a stress free zone. Presentations and vivas are over and I gotta say I have never felt so alive, so at bliss before. A lot has happened after I came back from Dhaka. And happened so fast, I cannot even apprehend sometimes...Firstly, our group has gotten bigger and we are singing at cultural night tomorrow. I am going to sing at stage- with friends. That is a first. Only 8 days left. Will I miss this place? Yes. There's so much attached to it you know. I wish I could be more descriptive of my post but I am in a lab right now and it just switches off my writing mood. Too many people and so little privacy. 

I am kind of in a denial right now. I am not accepting the fact that I am utterly depressed about everything. Going back to that place. I was adjusting just fine. I liked being with my friends. But after this break of a week, I am not sure if I am ready. This week has given me time to process what happened to me within this two months I stayed there. I kept myself thinking at night, remembering things said and been told, all those flashbacks. Not everything was a happy memory. I had bad days also. And about my friends. Are they going to stick with me or leave me when this semester be over, because I had a really hard time making friends...I don't wanna lose any of them. I think I've never cared for anyone that much. I was always putting a border in friendship, I was afraid of closeness. Now, I have shared an awful days with my friends and deep inside, I really care for them.  One thing that has happened to me couple times before. The people I started to become good friends w...

I video chatted with a stranger last night. I needed to talk with somebody about my issues. Actually, it was first chatting. Then after a bit, we turned each others web cam on. I just don't know why I did that. Why I suddenly felt the urge to connect with somebody across the world when I have my parents, my brother right here with me, who can advise me more effectively. I don't know why I trusted this site. Anyway, it was nice knowing an unknown person. Although I am not sure if he was bluffing or it was just a genuine conversation. FYI- the whole conversation was done through the chatting box, I kept the volume mute hehe. And I turned the webcam on for few mins only, I told him I was not comfortable chatting like that, so then I turned it off. SO basically it was just normal chatting. He gave me his kik Id but I disconnected after that. I just didn't feel like keeping contact with him. It was sorta rude but what the hell, he won't find me anyway. Packing is almos...

Tomorrow is Eid. Again, no excitement there. How fast these days have gone. I have to start packing again. Ugh stress will never leave me. The classes will start and assignments, quizzes, presentations. I wish. Life were easy.

He smells of cigarette . Slicked back hair. I like his trimmed beard. And his voice. Don't get me started on his voice. Oh god. His Beautiful, Sexy voice. There's a fine, fine line. I fell too hard. It's his presence that changes me. I feel like something just rushes through me when he's around. He says I get awkward easily. It's true. He sees it. Now a total bummer. He has a girlfriend and he's in a very committed relationship. I like his loyalty, I like how he adores his little niece. I like how he takes pride in real things. Love and friendship. I like when our music tastes match, and I get to sing with him. I like when he give compliments about me. I no longer want to entertain this thought that - I like him. A whole damn much. This two months have given me so much. Before this semester, I was this quiet person, who had just one friend beside her, couldn't crack conversation with anybody but that friend and now I have friends who I can sing...

Last night was eventful. Such cruel incident. We live in a world where, people are being killed in the name of RELIGION. I don't know what sort of strong belief, what sort of religion they maintain by slaughtering humans. What they get out of all this? I don't understand. I don't know how to process this. Yesterday, I dined with my family for iftar in the restaurant close to the place where that gunshot happened. We would have gotten into some trouble if we were 15 min late to leave for home. That's not what concerns me, but....The people who were in the hostage situation they were just like us, came to have iftar with their friends or family. Did they know what they'd be getting into? What were the odds? I just don't get it. 20 foreigners, That's what they say on TV, they were slaughtered. And I just cannot picture how. How and how. How can humans be capable of doing that to humans . Where them conscience at? How is this possible. Religion they say? I...