I'm feeling like something is going wrong, something is missing. Emptiness. Whenever I'm trying hard to concentrate on my life,my mind is getting lost. It's not working the way it should. I'm now fed up. Fed up of being separated from the world. I'm often staying depressed, sleeping it off and having nightmares. This whole thing sucks.
The problem is, i don't know what my problem is. If i would, then may be i could. So what now? i have exams at college almost everyday a week, and it's really making me stressed to solve my own problems. I have so many things going on, I have so much things to get done but here i am. Master of doing nothing. I thought doing nothing would make me feel better.But no! it's just making it worse.
I had a nightmare today. It was horrible. Then i realized actually i have a fear. fear of losing someone reallyyyyy close. My Dad. I can't lose him. I need him. But it's not like he's sick or something. he's healthy mashallah/ But don't know why i'm having such fears. loving someone so much can be really scary.
When i was kid, life was depressing too but not very often. i'm just being true to myself. My childhood was happy, but yes there is always two sides,i had a negative side too. I used to get depressed over night. why? i used to worry too much.
I was less confident, skinny girl. I just compare. how i used to be and what i am right now...seriously. it surprises me a bit. I have gained a lot of things from the past years.I have changed a lot. I learnt a lot. Still learning.
I imagine about my future life.I imagine positive sides. But somehow there is a negativity of not having the guarantee of things perfectly worked out. I mean, things change. I may get a filthy life. I may have critic problems, I may fail but imagining all the good stuffs, makes me feel good. But right now, I think i have issues to sort out. Day dreaming won't help.
Weird how i'm so easily explaining about my problems here. These days i was too messed up to think about how i am holding on. And see. now i'm typing all up. like someone's gonna read it and help me with this. I heard from my college sister- Writing takes our mind into discipline. Seems legit to me.
I have to embrace the change and move on. The sudden death of my grand pa might have an impact on me and everything i do. It's not like i had strong feelings for him. But it surely placed a huge change in me. I'm going through that change. I don't know how i am gonna end up but i hope that i would come back to my life better than before.
Gotta be strong!
The problem is, i don't know what my problem is. If i would, then may be i could. So what now? i have exams at college almost everyday a week, and it's really making me stressed to solve my own problems. I have so many things going on, I have so much things to get done but here i am. Master of doing nothing. I thought doing nothing would make me feel better.But no! it's just making it worse.
I had a nightmare today. It was horrible. Then i realized actually i have a fear. fear of losing someone reallyyyyy close. My Dad. I can't lose him. I need him. But it's not like he's sick or something. he's healthy mashallah/ But don't know why i'm having such fears. loving someone so much can be really scary.
When i was kid, life was depressing too but not very often. i'm just being true to myself. My childhood was happy, but yes there is always two sides,i had a negative side too. I used to get depressed over night. why? i used to worry too much.
I was less confident, skinny girl. I just compare. how i used to be and what i am right now...seriously. it surprises me a bit. I have gained a lot of things from the past years.I have changed a lot. I learnt a lot. Still learning.
I imagine about my future life.I imagine positive sides. But somehow there is a negativity of not having the guarantee of things perfectly worked out. I mean, things change. I may get a filthy life. I may have critic problems, I may fail but imagining all the good stuffs, makes me feel good. But right now, I think i have issues to sort out. Day dreaming won't help.
Weird how i'm so easily explaining about my problems here. These days i was too messed up to think about how i am holding on. And see. now i'm typing all up. like someone's gonna read it and help me with this. I heard from my college sister- Writing takes our mind into discipline. Seems legit to me.
I have to embrace the change and move on. The sudden death of my grand pa might have an impact on me and everything i do. It's not like i had strong feelings for him. But it surely placed a huge change in me. I'm going through that change. I don't know how i am gonna end up but i hope that i would come back to my life better than before.
Gotta be strong!
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