Everly

What's with winter and festivals? No plans for New year's eve whatsoever.

I don't know what to believe anymore you know. In two days, there will be a change of a digit and I will be completing 20 years on this earth. In these 20 years, I am no near where I wanted to be. No near the things I wanted to achieve. But. But I suppose, that's what adult life is like. You get separated from faith and fantasy and get more exposed to the reality of pain and confusion. Of course, it doesn't apply to everybody. There are successful adults of 20 out there. Who worked hard on themselves, who gained something in return. It is time I accept that, if you don't put an energy on something, it won't have any outcome. I have to put myself out there. I have to set a constructive goal and work toward it. I can say, I am not scared of being Kind. Of being called- Innocent. Because, I have encountered people being ruthless, having no sense of character. And it only has driven me to be who I am right now on this very present. Just to make yourself look int...

Now, I consider myself to be a fully committed person. Like when I am starting to watch a TV show, I don't get to another TV show, until, and only until I finish up all the seasons. Okay, So I was watching Scrubs all this time up until T told me to watch The Vampire Diaries, so I kind of watched The Vampire Diaries for a few days, only to keep her word, and just after like completing one season of it I felt like I was cheating. I felt like I have to get back to Scrubs again, I just can't be such a hoe. So I stopped watching TVD, and now I am fully hooked up with Scrubs, up until again I found myself watching Inside Amy Schumer last night, it was just an honest mistake, I was surfing through youtube, watched some scenes and then before I knew it, I watched 3 episodes of season 1 on putlocker. And I already feel like I have cheated on Scrubs, yet Again. GOD this is awful. It also happens to me when I start a book and get hooked up by another book and then I get confused on whi...

You know what's pathetic about this year is that- I felt things very intensely and also, wasted December. Didn't travel anywhere. Spending it like a prisoner. No outcomes. I am hoping against hope that next year, I will make each day count.

UGH. It's like everyday I wake up. Do the same fucking thing. And then go back to sleep. Been watching sitcoms, and realizing my life's a joke. I planned to go outside today, dozed off on our couch. And I look ugly as hell. I've got acne spots all over my face. Hate the fact that I have to live with it until it goes away. Pain, Acne, Stupid hormones.

I heard him shouting out my name and I looked down from stage, it wasn't hard to spot him out of the crowd, since... If everyone was Black and White, he was the one in screaming colors. And I know it's a metaphor. But you get the idea. The story doesn't lose its originality, It is how falling in love feels like. You lose the connection to reality. You lose a bunch of things. Like- Self-worth..Esteem.Control... You assume- he/she is worth the headache. I know what you must be thinking- but here's the thing I am not a love specialist- I've never been into relationships. However, I know how it is like, falling in love with someone, ever so deeply that you cling to every small detail. Every memory that he left off on you. Every footprint on your stomach(Metaphor Alert) When he abandoned you.When he gave of a feeling, you don't even exist. All the butterflies you felt for him, died just then. You remember them all. Because, he lives with that string of memories with...

Ooooowkay. This year is ending soon.It had an affect on me. I've changed and grown. Time for a pledge...New years always surprise me. So there is no point in forecasting. Still. I've got a feeling. I will manage things more maturely than I did this year. I will try at least to avoid the things that I know pain me. It is not easy, forgetting him since he is in our friend circle. But this semester I took courses that may collide his schedule, resulting a lot few encounters than this last one. I hope- Keyword-HOPE(can't promise anything yet)-that I will have to see less of him. That would be healthy for me. Feelings will fade. In Sha Allah.  My CGPA has lessened over the year. I cannot afford another year of this. I have no option left than studying...You know. I make mistakes over and over. No matter how many times, I see myself, drowning like this, I never learn to get up. I don't put myself in action. Next year,I have to have a fit mind for it. I have to stay fi...