Everly

I wouldn't say I'm homesick. I don't miss home. I just miss some friendly faces. Some voices, some scents, some skin. It is different here...although I am getting used to it. I am getting used to being quiet around people. Too many people. Home was soundless. It is all about sounds here. I hear sounds I don't wanna hear. Dinning with strangers on a table. I listen conversations I don't want to listen. The best worst thing- I have to wake up in the mornings. My roommates are losing their voice shouting me to get up for breakfast. At night. It is tolerable. Because I can see the stars, feel the gentle breeze, walk in the fields, sing or play Chinese whispers with friends. Then again, when I return to my dorm, I feel something is missing in my heart. A genuine laughter or cry. 

Umm...ever got the feeling, God listens? Yeah. So I think...I THINK my parents got over their fight, in fact way over, because I saw them talking sweetly to each other like newly weds. So thank you Allah. You are awesome. And...remember last time I said how this Che guy makes me want to cringe. Well it won't happen anymore. I HOPE, because I saw his status last night. It was about some ex-crush. I am not sure it was meant for me. But whomever it was for, she must be delighted. He said- he wasn't anymore into her, because she's got less pretty and less attractive. I couldn't help but wince at these phrases. Oh my god this guy is an Ass. I don't know it just doesn't feel right, why would he do such comment on the appearance of a girl it's like practically shaming her. Not cool dude. Not feminist at all. Oh god please I hope I am not that mystery girl. All this time, I made assumptions after assumptions. My friends also thought...Oh no not good for my ego....

Today, morning started with tears. I don't know why I felt so emotional. Maybe because my parents are on a fight and my mother came in my room, telling me about it when I woke up. She's really hurt. Looked like things got pretty ugly last night. My father said things, then my mom said some things back. Then she called my grandma and told her how my father reacted badly and honestly I don't think she should have done that. My dad was angry and he said things maybe he would regret later on and she should have instead kept it between them. I don't know when my mom was telling me how he insulted her, I couldn't picture my father at fault. I couldn't stop being bias. When she said- she shouldn't have married someone 10 years older than her, she was pretty and young she should rather marry someone. I couldn't stop wincing at her when she said that. My parents, it doesn't matter if they have age differences, they are too compatible as a married couple. T...

Finally. The most awaited rainfall. Although it’s started as a storm. Roaring storm. I like a stormy night. So I spent all day, you can say, since I woke up this afternoon, finishing Sophia Kinsella’s I’ve Got Your Number. T recommended it to me. No words can justify this novel. It was witty and I love some rom-com. You can guess why I skipped shower and lunch. I am all cleaned up now, shampooed my hair, have a wedding reception to attend. And apparently the electricity is gone.   I normally hate wedding parties. But I go there just for the food. Yep. And of course to check out the bride and groom. To be honest, I’ve attended very few where the wedding couple is beautiful looking, no offense, either the bride is too pretty or the groom is too handsome or I don’t like to say this but-or both are unpleasant to look at…I wonder what the condition would be at my wedding. It’s too soon to talk about I guess. I am pretty much sure though, I would still be single at my 30s. Okay ji...

So I am confused. Do I actually care about people, or it's just that- I don't but it makes me feel bad and does it mean I do? Oh no. I am such an ass sometimes. A real ass. I just don't seem to make other people feel special about themselves like they make me feel. I am not loyal. I am not vocal, and I am not very- good with words and cheesiness and sweetness. I thought I was. But no. No matter how much I want to fake it. I can't. And to be honest? I envy people who have this quality in them. Being likable around everybody. Even around those who doesn't like to talk. Even around those who are mean. I envy those people who can blend in so easily without facing any problems, any ego issues. And everything has to be a competition with me, I just I feel like, I have to compete, with those people by being more likable. Do I sound like a freak? Cause I am. Whenever someone is pampered, successful, adored, I get freaking jealous. And it's officially a thing now. I...

I figured out why my grandmother(father's side) hated me when I was a kid. Yes her spirit told me. ...Kidding. I shouldn't tho...Anyway. I assumed, since, I wasn't much charismatic as a child, I was rather annoying and kind of mute to the elders. I remember I was very shy around my grandparents. I didn't talk to them much. Now that I look at Anisha, she's so much smarter than her age, I sometimes wonder how I used to be when I was her age. And trust me, I wasn't as cheerful and energetic like her. Yes I was sporty, way much than I am now, but I never found myself you know, I remember being sad. Being scold by grandma. Being beaten by daddy sometimes if I didn't study for my tests, being called skinny; yeah I was very...skinny girl. By affection I only remember my parents especially my father, my mother loved me too. They weren't very strict parents. I rather say they spoiled me. I needed more discipline that time. My grandmother, she sort of created ne...

So new crush. TV personality of course. But you'd be amazed...Justin Trudeau, Canadian Prime Minister? I mean can you blame me? Look at how hot he is. He's probably the first prime minister who's got a badass tattoo. His wife is so lucky. This is what happens when I watch too much of BBC. By the way, Ann got accepted in the Brooklyn college. I mean, I am kind of jealous. :3 As well as proud. I miss her tho. And ok. I have started packing my bags for Tarc, I am leaving on may 6th. Ugh. Lots of lots of work. Work, work, work, work, work, work He said me haffi Work, work, work, work, work, work....