Everly

 Dear B, Life has been blunt and I am not exaggerating it even a bit.  I have found love but then there is this reality that is testing it. When I think about the future it makes me feel like I am only dating for just a heart break. I love him but then there is a part of me who is scared to see a life together, there is a part of me who is seeking approval of parents, family, and friends. I mean, I know I should not give a shit about what other people think. It ultimately boils down to me being happy with him. However, I am perplexed. I am grateful that I got to find him and fall in love with him as he has treated me with affection, attention, and time despite having limitation, i.e. the distance. He is actually someone who did not hesitate to show me his vulnerable side. I love him, I do. I just couldn't get past the financial issue. I am unsure if we have control over our finances or that we have a plan that is viable in future to even create a future or get married. This is...

 I had a couple of depressive episodes last month. I guess I am still recovering from it. I sort of crashed.  Last month, I made myself stay at home instead of going out. Just trying to save some money and also I did not feel like socializing. I kept telling myself, this is not permanent. How I was feeling would eventually evaporate.  I feel better today and for the last few days. I kind of feel myself again. I guess I am trying to make myself do things now and focusing on getting proper sleep.