Everly

 Dear B, You know there was this saying that "you keep repeating the same mistake until you learn your lesson." I guess in my case, I just make the advanced version of the mistake and get hurt in a whole different level. B, I am not trying to play dumb. I see the red flags but my mind don't want to acknowledge it like a full blown adult brain. It just wants to act like a dumb teenage girl. It just wants butterflies in the stomach and just wants to be loved and would accept anything to be loved. My definition of love is so toxic and destructive. I can never be happy if I don't change the definition. I can't never let anybody make me feel at home if I keep it like that. I have to make an internal shift. I know, improving physical health is important. I know nutrition, exercise, sunlight can heal. However, unless I detox my mind and be connected with my true self, I can never actually make any changes. It won't make a lasting effect in my life. I need to be confi...

I realized, I don't make the best use of the resources that are available to me. It is mainly due to the fact that I am just simply lazy and unmotivated. I am too comfortable in my position. I gave up learning. I gave up the zest of learning. There are lot of areas in my life that needs improvement.  1. Communication 2. Relationships 3. Career 4. Thought process 5. Attention 6. Organization 7. Health 8. Vocabulary 9. Sleep 10. Overall Lifestyle 11. Dating 12. Personal financing 13. Confidence 14. Energy I am not going to be perfect but that shouldn't stop me from attempting to be the best with all that I have in my power. Nobody should stop learning. Nobody should stop learning because they are too comfortable in life. Growth is very important. Being resistant to change won't keep me moving. It will only bring the same kind of grief. Today, I will try to take the first step to make the use of the time I have. I am simply privileged now with the health and age but I should n...

I want to practice mindfulness in 2022.  I am not sure why I can't seem to accept myself. There are a lot of internal conflicts that I need to sort out. 2021 has been difficult in a sense that I started to unlearn toxic things that were embedded in me by my DNA. I started to become aware of the things my parents did in the name of care. It is not easy to unlearn a generation of traits. It is certainly not easy to break those habits that were formed by years and years of practice and ignorance. I still am optimistic because I had a growth curve in 2021. I do want to change the things that I am aware are bad, I want to let go of the attachments that hold no good for me anymore, and I want to forgive people and send them nothing but prayers.  The most difficult thing I learned, realized, had epiphany of, was the relationship I have with my mother. It took me finally 25 years to admit, the relationship I have with my mother is completely problematic. I started talking about it wit...