Everly

 I have this self blaming game I cannot quit. Anything worse happens, the first tendency is to blame myself. I had a bad day at work today and it was not because I did anything wrong. My performance is spotless. It is a completely external issue that I have nothing to do with. However, I kept blaming myself for it. I broke down in tears in my lunch break. Thank god I am working from home. Nobody saw me like that. Anyway, so there I was, sobbing, thinking I was the "issue" and I didn't give my 100%.  I give my everything when I set my mind to something. This job is something that I gave my everything to. I worked seamlessly and with utter dedication. The pay is not something I look at when I am working. I give more than I am paid for. I care about this job because it gave me a purpose to wake up. It made me learn something totally new and astounding and I started believing in myself again.  However, I tossed everything aside, the moment I had one bad day. Just one. Which h...

 I used to love weekends but these days I kind of prefer weekdays. The pandemic is still on. The death rates have been higher than ever. I am stuck at home and feeling detached from everything. I thought after getting a job and "some" financial independence, I would worry less about the future. Turns out, it is making me worry even more. With this pandemic being on, I am losing all the good times I am supposed to enjoy at this age. Only 4 months left of this year. Time is moving so fast. Stupid corona ruined all of our lives.